Friday, March 09, 2007

Early Retirement

Season 6 was going to be my last year of blogging the Idol.

I had every intention of faithfully blogging every episode and every story that happened in between, until that fateful day in May....when someone gets to sing some ridiculously cheesy song about moments/flying/believing/heaven/pride with an even more ridiculous gospel choir.

But here's the thing...

I got a "big boy" job and I got burnt out on the season 6 of the Idol much sooner than I thought I would.

Yes, I've quit the Idol once before (during season 3), but then I discovered the wonderful world of Blogger and so I came back.

But now, I have to be done. Whenever I sit down to watch the Idol, it doesn't feel like fun. It feels like a chore. I've lost my Idol-Joy.

I'm exhausted. And I got that job.

So...it is with great sadness (and greater relief) that I am announcing my Idol blog retirement.

Thanks to everyone who ever read my blog or left me a comment (even the ones that weren't so nice). They always made me happy.

Vote for Melinda!

xoxo,
judge jru

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Two out of Four ain't bad, but it ain't good either.

WHAT JUDGE JRU LEARNED ABOUT AMERICA BY WATCHING THE THIRD ELIMINATION EPISODE OF THE IDOL 6

America hates curly haired girls with flat vocals.



America hates laid back sexy dudes who make bad song choices.



America hates pretty girls that take inordinate amounts of scandalous Facebook and MySpace photos.



America hates men with disgusting patches of chin pubes.




Seeya Sabrina! Seeya Jared! Seeya Antonella! Seeya Sundance!



We'll kinda sorta miss you, Sabrina. And you too, Jared. But we won't miss the other two. Like at all.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

How do you spell woman? M-E-L-I-N-D-A.

THE TOP 8 LADIES OF THE IDOL 6


1) Jordin Sparks ('Heartbreaker,' by Pat Benetar -- Loves Football.) - I originally thought Jordin was a poor man's Lisa Tucker. Then, I thought Lisa Tucker was a poor man's Jordin Sparks.

Now?

I think Jordin Sparks is simply too young. Too Fresh. And too new.


2) Sabrina Sloan ('Don't Let Go,' by En Vogue -- Wanted to be the next Katie Couric/Ryan Seacrest.) - Sabrina's hair is very curly.



And her vocals? Not so curly.

In actuality, she was pretty darn flat.


3) Antonella Barba ('Put Your Records On,' by Corinne Bailey Rae -- Plays the violin.) - Girl! Turn your record off!

I'll also tell you my favorite song. It's any song that you're not singing.


4) Haley Scarnato ('If My Heart Had Wings,' by Faith Hill -- Used to be a gymnast until she broke herself.) - I didn't even bother paying attention during Haley's performance, because she's a total goner.


5) Stephanie Edwards ('Sweet Things,' by Rufus & Chaka Khan -- Used to be shy.) - I enjoy the Stephanie Edwards, but unfortunately I did not enjoy her performance. She was pitchy with a capital P.


6) LaKisha Jones ('I Have Nothing,' by Whitney Houston -- Terrified of animals. All of them.) - Best Idol-related "I Have Nothing" performance ever.

And that's saying something, because there's a lot of them.

A lot.


7) Gina Glocksen ('Call Me When You're Sober,' by Evanescence -- Has a lot of good luck charms.) - Eh.

I know Amy Lee, Gina.

And Madam Glocksen?

You are no Amy Lee.


8) Melinda 'The Timid Titmouse' Doolittle ('I Am Woman,' by Peggy Lee -- Has OCD.) - Simply Brilliant.

If I never see another Idol performance again, I will die a happy Idol fan. Melinda has fulfilled my every Idol hope. My every Idol wish. My every Idol dream.

She is an Idol goddess...in non-Kelly Clarkson/Frenchie Davis form.



judge jru votes

Melinda. Melinda. Melinda. Melinda. LaKisha. Melinda. Melinda. Melinda. Melinda. Melinda. LaKisha.

Melinda.

M-E-L-I-N-D-A.

Melinda.


judge jru predicts

I would love to say Antonella is gonna go, but her tone deaf ass isn't going anywhere.

It's gonna be Haley. And either Sabrina or Stephanie.

Dude, Where's the Talent?

THE TOP 8 BOYS OF THE IDOL 6


1) Blake Lewis ('All Mixed Up,' by 311 -- Loves Improv Comedy, Halloween, and 311.) - The first guy I ever dated LOVED 311. A lot. I tolerated it, but I won't tolerate it any more.

Who goes on the Idol and sings 311? Honestly!

What's Blake going to sing next? Crazytown? Everlast? How about some Deep Blue Something?

Now that would be a headache to my ears.


2) Sanjaya Malakar ('Waiting On the World to Change,' by John Mayer -- Knows how to hula.) - Painful. And wimpy.


3) Sundance Head ('Jeremy,' by Pearl Jam -- Wears a "fat suit.") - Do I have to watch the rest of this show?

I don't know if I can take another Sundance performance. Or another Sanjaya performance. Or another Phil Stacey performance. Or pretty much anyone's performance. Except for Melinda and LaKisha. They are the diamonds in the roughness that is the Idol 6.


4) Chris Richardson ('Tonight I Want to Cry,' by Keith Urban -- Lost a lot of weight before the Idol.) - At least he's pretty.


5) Jared Cotter ('If You Really Love Me,' by Stevie Wonder -- Played Division II college basketball.) - Jared may be sexy, but he's no Ryan Starr...



...now that was a Stevie Wonder Idol performance of epically bad proportions.


6) Brandon Rogers ('I Just Want to Celebrate,' by Rare Earth -- Is a classical piano player.) - At least he wasn't boring.

But here's the thing, Brandon's performances are so forgettable that even Simon can't keep his name straight (he called Brandon -- "Travis").


7) Phil Stacey ('I Need You,' by Leann Rimes -- Hasn't always been bald.) - Ugh.



Just UGH.


8) Chris Sligh ('Wanna Be Loved,' by DC Talk -- Used to have short hair.) - Chris sings soulless Christian Rock. Again.

I'm done with him.


judge jru votes

No one. Seriously.


judge jru predicts

Sanjaya? Sundance? Phil Stacey? Anyone except Chris Sligh, Chris Richardson, and Blake Lewis.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Kathleen Turner ate my homework!

Due to the fact that I'm going to the theater tonight to see Kathleen Turner yell at some guy for a couple of hours, my review of the Tuesday edition of the Idol will not be posted until sometime Wednesday morning-ish.

Sorry for the delay, but tonight...I'm being "cultural."

Monday, March 05, 2007

Your Mom Goes to College!

Idol 5 contestant/"Chicken Little" look-a-like Kevin Covais is about to follow in J-Hud's footsteps, by taking a supporting role in a movie that has Oscar written all over it.

"College" centers on three high school seniors who have the wildest weekend of their lives when they visit a nearby college campus as prospective freshmen. Deb Hagan (of "Pee Shy" fame) is slated to direct.

Between this and his upcoming guest "rap" cameo on Paris Bennett's album, 2007 is turning out to be the year of Covais.



Is it 2008 yet?

Sunday, March 04, 2007

A Week Later...

...this still makes me happy.




That is all.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Me and My Friend's Vibrator : The Antonella Barba Story

NinjaDude just posted this photo of Idol 6 contestant/candid photo disastrophe (aka: Antonella Barba) posing next to a friend that is holding a pink vibrator...



...as well as a photo of Antonella and another girl making kiss-y faces at the camera/each other...



...they seem like a fun group of girls, eh?

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Antonella, Sundance, and Sanjaya escape. Again.

WHAT JUDGE JRU LEARNED BY WATCHING THE SECOND ELIMINATION EPISODE OF THE IDOL 6

America hates semi-talented semi-charismatic boys that don't have facial hair and/or a pony tail.



America hates white girls that scat.



America hates girls from West Hollywood that sing Dixie Chicks' songs (duh!).



America hates nice guys that don't finish first.



Seeya A.J.! Seeya Leslie! Seeya Alaina! Seeya Nick!



We'll miss you A.J.!

As for the rest of you...I've already forgotten your names.