Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Don't call me "Ma'am." I'm not the bloody Queen!

Tonight's excuse for the non-live "live" blog: I was watching Helen Mirren be a self-destructive alcoholic police detective.

Anyhow, let's get on with it...

judge jru's "live" blog of the seventh episode of the Idol 6

8:00 pm - Remember the Alamo?

Really Ryan?


8:01 pm - I don't think I can take the Idol's awful credit sequence anymore. It hurts my soul.

8:02 pm - Are they really trying to sell us on the idea that eleven thousand people audition for Paula, Simon, and Randy directly?

I'm over this show's fakery. And trickery.

8:05 pm - I'm pretty sure that the "used to be in a wedding band" singer (aka: Haley Scarnato) wore a onesie during her audition.

So how could I NOT love her?

8:13 pm - Butt cleavage alert! Butt cleavage!

8:14 pm - I'm done feeling sorry for the folks that should know better than audition for the Idol with sub par voices. They act all shocked when Simon and Randy are "rude" to them.

During season one of the Idol, I could understand their pain.

During season two, I could feel their pain...if they didn't own a television.

And now? During season six? They can take a long walk off a short pier. Or something.

8:17 pm - Small Town girl with the Big City soul (aka: Baylie Brown) was much better than I thought she was going to be.

She's a little young, but she'll fill the Carrie Underwood/Kellie Pickler slot just fine.

8: 24 pm - A "People have a hard time getting in and out of doors" montage?

Seriously dude? This is how I'm spending my time? Watching people try to walk through doors?

I need a new hobby.

8:28 pm - Even my DirecTV DVR hates the "Incredible Hulk" (aka: William Green)...in the midst of watching his painful performance, my DVR decided to turn off. On it's own. Without reason. Or warning.

I seriously hate this machine more than life itself.

If you ever get an offer in the mail for a free DirecTV DVR, do yourself a favor. Throw it away.

8:30 pm - My DVR did like "Bruce Banner" (aka: Akron Watson). And so did I.

8:37 pm - Is it time for me to be in bed yet?

8:41 pm - The girl that got beat up because she has a good voice (aka: Ashlyn Carr) was totally enjoyable.

What were Randy and Paula thinking?

How dare they turn her down!

I mean...seriously dude, how dare Paula criticize someone else's facial expressions? That's like Michael Jackson telling Faye Dunaway that she got too much plastic surgery!

Beware of glass houses, Paula.

Glass houses.

8:42 pm - Wait. What's this? They're bringing Ashlyn back? For a second chance? After the commerical break?

Finally. A reason to continue to stay tuned to the Idol!

If only it didn't feel so fake-y...

8:50 pm - okgood. The judges wised up and Ashlyn is going to Hollywood.

8:52 pm - Jake the Snake (aka: Jacob Tutor) is a waste of space. And time.

In real life, I'm sure Jacob is verynice.

It's just that on the Idol...he serves no purpose.

8:54 pm - Uh...why is a boy I went to college with in a Kay's Jewelers commercial?

8:56 pm - And we're almost done. Don't tease me Ryan.

8:57 pm - If I was Jimmy McNeal, I would be insulted by the comparisons the judges made to Ruben.

Dude! You've got more charisma in your pinkie than Ruben has in his entire vegetarian-ized being.

8:59 pm - We're done! We're done! We're done!

9:00 pm - What the F?

There is another frickin' audition episode?

A grab bag of auditions that didn't fit in any other show?

Are you kidding me with this?

You'll have to excuse me now, because I'm gotta go throw my DVR at someone over at FOX. I don't know who that someone is yet, but right now...I'm thinking just about anyone from the cast of "Til Death" will do just fine.


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