Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Seattle...What Does It Mean To You?

My apologies for the lateness of my "live" blog again, I was verybusy watching Kate Winslet's boobies.

Anyhow, let's do this again...


judge jru's "live" blog of the second episode of the Idol

8:00 pm - Seattle, here we come!

8:01 pm - Oh look...it's raining in Seattle...for a change.

8:02 pm - Seriously dude? These costume freaks need to stop. The joke has always and will always be veryOld.

8:03 pm - OOOOOh! Paula's meds are balanced today! She is looking and sounding like a real live human being...or at least as real or as human or as live as Paula Abdul can sound.

8:05 pm - I don't want to be delivered "hotness" (aka: Jennifer Chapton).

I didn't order it.

Can I send it back to Pizza Hut for a full refund?

8:08 pm - Commercial Time...which means it's time for me to fight with my Direct TV DVR again. I seriously miss my Tivo way more than I should. If that's wrong, I don't want to be right.

8:12 pm - Stay-At-Home Mom's eyebrows (aka: Amy Salgado) look like they were drawn on with a brown crayon.

Can someone please tell me when that is attractive? If ever?

I want to know.

What happens to women that feel the need to do that to themselves?

It's a serious problem affecting the female population of America. And it need to be addressed in the next presidential election.

Obama
? You got me?

8:19 pm - Super-Peroxide Blonde Darwin "Mischa" Reedy makes me very uncomfortable.

And her mom makes me even more uncomfortable.

8:20 pm - Look at Paula being all lucid and shit!

Now THAT is an American Idol miracle.

8:23 pm - They are airing a "Dreamgirls" trailer during an Idol commercial break!

Imagine that!

8:28 pm - Are we really only twenty-eight minutes into this monster???

8:29 pm - We get it Ryan! It rains in Seattle. We don't need Milli Vanilli to tell us so!

8:30 pm - Thomas Daniels has terrible hair...but a lovely voice.

8:34 pm - Melissa Carlene Stavros' pink body suit isn't fluffy, but apparently she is...and so is her dog.

8:37 pm - Is it wrong that I'm more than a little excited for that Drew Barrymore/Hugh Grant movie?

I must have had a vagina in a previous life.

Or something.

8:40 pm - Spiky Haired Blake Lewis wants to be Justin Timberlake so bad that I think it's cutting the oxygen off to his beatbox motor.

8:42 pm
- Awwww...Blake Lewis' proud dad is too cute.

Grown men that cry make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Is that so wrong? Because it feels a little wrong to me.

8:47 pm - David Mills makes me sad.

8:48 pm - Look Sister Ru! It's the Indian version of us -- The Malakars!



8:50 pm - The Indian Sister Ru (aka: Shyamali Malakar) is lovely!



I hope the Indian version of me is as good as she is!

8:53 pm - The Indian version of me (aka: Sanjaya Malakar) is even better! Not that I'm biased or anything.

8:54 pm - Sanjaya is like Clay Aiken! Only adorable! And I don't want to slap him!

8:55 pm - Sanjaya is officially my new favorite.



I think he may be my favorite Idol contestant in years.



Years.

9:00 pm - Salt Lake City-area resident Nicholas Zitzmann makes me sad.

9:02 pm - Nicholas is still singing? Really?

9:03 pm - Can someone make the lambs stop screaming? Please!

9:06 pm - Oh. Who is this Rudy Cardenas fellow? He seems smart.

9:07 pm - I was right! Rudy is smart!

And Venezuelan!

And semi-talented too!

AND he's going to Hollywood!

9:14 pm - Day Two of Seattle begins...

9:15 pm - Is it time to go to bed yet?

9:16 pm - This "parade of freaks" (including Kenneth Briggs and his "fluffy" friend, Jonathan) bugs me. Hardcore. I really don't like it when the producers ask us to laugh at those that are totally not all there. It's just mean.

Asking people to laugh at the slightly delusional? Hilarious.

Asking people to laugh at the mentally ill? Not so much.

Is it time for the Hollywood round yet?

9:23 pm - I'm SO excited for the megaTall lady! She looks awesome!

9:30 pm - Meet Eric Chapman. He's a Taylor Hicks look-a-like AND a hairdresser AND a terrible singer! All at once!

9:33 pm - AH! Attack of the 6'4'' woman (aka: Anna Kearns)! But she is kinda awesome, so I guess I won't run away.

9:35 pm - Paula growls! Maybe she is off her meds again!

9:36 pm - WoooOOoo! Tall Girl is going to Hollywood!

(And no...it's not THAT tall girl.)

9:37 pm - Did Ryan just say "Bohemian CRAP-sody?"

Are you allowed to say that on primetime television?

Can someone fine Seacrest?

Please!

I'll pay you for your efforts.

9:41 pm - Do you want to know who isn't sad about FOX canceling "The OC?"

ME!

And the rest of America.

9:42 pm - 16 year-old Jordin Sparks is just a tall Lisa Tucker.



And that's not a compliment.

9:47 pm - How did a song like"Don't Cha" merit it's own song montage? Wasn't Darwin's rendition painful enough? I'm blaming Will Young for this one.

9:53 pm - Are they actually going to end the Seattle episode with Steven "Big Red" Thoen? Really???

9:54 pm - Well...at least he's cooler than Carrot Top.

9:57 pm - Is the "Big Red" audition really not over yet?

9:58 pm - And that's a wrap.

10:00 pm - okgood. Seattle's done.

See ya in Memphis next week, Paula!

Here's to hoping that your Pharmacologist there is as good as the one they found for you in Seattle!

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