Who's Eating Sour Grapes?

I'm not the only one!

Michael Slezak (of EW.com fame) has his own dream of a world where Taylor Hicks lost the Idol.

In Slezak's world, Elliott would have won.

Best. Taylor Hicks Song. Ever.

Seriously.

"Do I Creep You Out" - 'Weird Al' Yankovic

It's kinda awesome.

Negative Nancy

In looking over my past few posts, I've noticed that I've been a total bitch. My mother always used to tell me, "If you don't have something nice to say...don't say anything at all."

But clearly I've not been following that advice.

But I'm going to try to chance.

At least for a couple of hours.

So here it is...an entry where I'm saying something positive about a former Idol contestant...specifically Mister Chris "Just Call Me Daughtry" Daughtry.



He should have won.

Smug Alert!!!

My parents didn't raise me to be a fighter. In fact, they didn't let me play with GI Joe figurines when I was little, because they felt like the toys endorsed violence.

And so...I'm not a fan of fighting.

I've never gotten into a fist fight...and I don't think I ever will.

BUT now...I'm going to take a moment to admit that I've found the first man I've ever wanted to punch in the face...



...and his name is Taylor Hicks.

The Country Slut Leaks

Because I'm such a giver (even when I don't really need to be one), I'm passing something I recieved on to you...



That's right. It's the Pickler's album. It's leaked. And it's...uh...something.

To try on some red high heels, CLICK HERE.

Underwhelming is the NEW Impressive

To Whom It May Concern:

I might be missing something here...I'm not really sure how a number 8 debut is worthy of a overly triumpant press release.

Can someone please fill me?

xo,
judge jru

AHHHHHHHHH!

Whatever you do...



...don't CLICK HERE!

Or HERE!

Entertainment Weekly's Jody Rosen has lost her (or his) damn mind!

Who gives crappy pap like this a B???



Jody Rosen does!

Talk about grading on a curve...

How do you spell adorable ho?

K-E-L-L-I-E. P-I-C-K-L-E-R.

Ain't she cute?



OK...maybe not so much...


(Video via Popbytes)

Daughtry is the NEW Fantasia

What's a boy to do when he comes in fourth place on the Idol?



Release an album on a major label.

Talk about how great it was to get kicked off the Idol early.

And drop his first name so that from here on out he is only referred to in the music world as "Daughtry."


Um...oh...well...that's...uh...a great idea Chris!



CLICK HERE for the full Daughtry story.

File Under : Well, Duh!

Guess which Idol finally came out of the closet?

Not this one.

No...not this one either.

This one...



Remember him?



And just in case you were wondering, he "still loves God."

There's No Way...

...I will ever get tired of posting about this movie.



EVER.

December is Only a Dream Away

I might be a little excited for this teeny-tiny, totally underhyped movie starring the Idol 3's very own Jennifer Hudson.

Have you heard of it?



I know I have.


(Poster via Dark Horizons)

I don't wanna take them!

Just when you think he couldn't get any GAY-er...

"Broken Wings" - Clay Aiken

Listening to the song hurts my "special areas."

"Would You Rather..." : Idol Edition

WOULD YOU RATHER...

Have sex with Ruben Studdard every day for a year?

"Change Me" - Ruben Studdard

OR live on a deserted island with Kellie Pickler for the rest of your life?

"Red High Heels (Radio Rip)" - Kellie Pickler

OR be locked in a box for six weeks listening to Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats" on a infinite loop???

"Before He Cheats" - Carrie Underwood

I choose Carrie.

What about YOU?

(Thanks to Annah for the Pickler mp3!)

Plug Your Ears!

Apparantly, Kat McPhee and Andrea Bocelli have decided it's a good idea to record an Elvis song together.



It's destined to be played at every dentist's office across the country...

"Can't Help Falling in Love" - Katharine McPhee & Andrea Bocelli

My teeth hurt already.


(Song via ONTD)

The Country Slut Returns

Guess who's baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack?



That's right.

The Idol 5's resident wide-eyed, wide-open country ho has returned...with a new single, entitled "Red High Heels."

CLICK HERE to take a listen.

Now I have to admit that I'm not really a modern country fan (with the exception of the Dixie Chicks), so I'm probably not the right audience for this ditty...BUT I'd like to think I can recognize a good thing when I hear it.

And this ain't a good thing.

It ain't much of anything actually.

If I want an Idol-related country song, I'll stick to this...



It's been weeks now...and I still can't get enough of this song. I honestly don't understand how I can like a song by the country cyborg...but I do.

I think there might be something in the water.

Send help.

Soon.


(Song link via Popwatch)

Best. Collaboration. Ever?

Have you ever loved a song...before you heard it?

Just because of the people involved?

No?

Yes?

Maybe?

Well, I've got a new song that I love...and I'm sharing it with you as I watch Part One of the Project Runway 3 finale...before I've even had the chance to listen to it myself.

Why?

Because it's the Idol's very own FANTASIA...on a track by COKO!!!

Who Coko?

Why she's the lead singer from my favorite 90s girl group, SWV!

If you need a refresher of the SWV ouvre, here it be...

SWV's BIG Ballad, "Weak."



SWV's BIG uptempo number, "I'm So Into You."



SWV's BIG remix (featuring a kick-ass MJ sample and an awesome video featuring the ladies on horses), "Right Here (Human Nature Remix)."



AND SWV's BIG song about eating vagina, "Downtown."



So now, I present to you...the song that I love, even though I haven't heard it yet...

"Endow Me" - Coko with Fantasia, Faith Evans, and Lil' Mo

Enjoy it!

I know I already have...


(Song via Beauty N The Beat)

Someone's Got a Rumbly Tumbly

Poor Bo.



He's got problems.

Someone's a Straight A Student

That's my DeNoNo!!!



Getting an "A" in Entertainment Weekly for her performance as Penny Pingleton in "Hairspray : The Musical!"

And Frenchie gets a "B+" for her performance as an ensemble player in "Rent!"



But then again...they gave one to Constantine too...



So I'm recommending that everyone write EW.com a very terse letter explaining the difference between genius and...not.

"Grey" Charles

Uh...can anyone tell me what's wrong with this picture?



SERIOUSLY?

Did VIBE magazine seriously do a feature article on the least soulful white "soul" boy in the world?



Did they really call him the NEW Elvis (or something like it)?



Worst. Idea. Ever.


To read the full ridiculousness, CLICK HERE...then HERE...and then finally HERE.


(Article via ONTD)

Jammin' with judge jru!

So my friend Zak was at the 99 Cent store the other day and he came across the following item...



What's not to love about an Idol brand toothpaste?



It's jammin'!



And it looks just like the green slime from those Ghostbusters movies!



But it smells like Green Apple Jolly Rancher!



And it tastes like Green Apple Jolly Rancher too...but only for a few seconds...because the paste suddenly loses it's fruity flavor and ends up tasting like boring old regular toothpaste.



Even though I was totally skeptical about the whole idea of a fruit flavored Idol toothpaste...in the end, my teeth felt TOTALLY clean!


So if you want to be like me (and want to brush your teeth with fruity Idol Jolly Rancher Tooth Slime) then head on down to your local 99 Cent store...or if you don't want to leave the comfort of your computer...you can just click here.

You'll have a jammin' good time.

Swear!

The Velvet Teddybear postpones charity appearance, hates children/Shriners

"Scheduling Conflicts"...my ass.

The Fall of Troy

I was unfamiliar with the UK entertainment news website "Entertainmentwise," but then I saw this headline and knew that their editing team must be as reliable as that of most bloggers...

Nothing comforts me more than knowing that I'm not the world's worst proofreader.

What's Wrong With Her???

Is this really Frenchie's music on her "fan" MySpace page?



If so, I might be more than a little disappointed by the quality of the songs. Frenchie's voice is quite lovely (as it always is), but the songs sound like songs that Angie Stone wrote back in the fourth grade (during recess).

In other words, Frenchie isn't going to make a splash in the music biz just yet. But don't just listen to me, judge for yourself...

"Set Me Free" - Frenchie Davis

"So In Love" - Frenchie Davis

I might be more disappointed in my special ladyfriend. Here's to hoping that Eva the Diva smacks some sense into her, before she goes off and records any more fracking crap like this...



(Btw, this picture was supposedly taken at some Atlanta gay pride event...and there are now all these rumors floating around the internet claiming that these two teality TV divas are an "item." I don't know if there is any truth to this...but if there is...and they "are"...then I want to be at their commitment ceremony.)

Don't Tell Eddie Vedder...

...but the talent in Seattle is "absolutely atrocious."

At least it is according to Simon.

GURL! Put your J-Hud records on!

The Jennifer Hudson version of "And I'm Telling You" has been leaked!



And of course it's amazing.

And of course I have to "gay it forward" and pass it on to y'all...

"And I'm Telling You" - Jennifer Hudson

Enjoy!

And now, you'll have to excuse me, I've gotta go listen to it for the 20th time today...


(Song via ONTD)

judge jru hearts Angela Ashman

I don't really know who Angela Ashman is.

All I do know about Miss Ashman is that she is a reporter for "The Village Voice" and after spending quite a bit of time with Constantine Maroulis...she clearly "appreciates" him almost as much as I do.



THIS ARTICLE (entitled "This Is Constantine Maroulis. He Wishes You Knew That.") might be the best thing that ever happened to blow-dryers and AXE deodorant.



As for Constantine, he's probably seen better days.



(Article via ONTD via Zak)

Elliott Yamin has SURGERY...

...on his pinky.

On his left hand.

Elliott is right-handed.

judge jru's thoughts and prayers are with Mister Yamin and his family in their time of need.

You know your life really isn't like a fairy tale when...

...your father sues you for 10 million dollars.

Poor 'Tasia!

"My Big Fat Greek Food Festival Performance"

Guess who else isn't bringing sexy "back" anytime soon?







Contrary to this report, I'm not so sure that the people attending the Greek Food Festival in Dallas appreciated Mister Maroulis interrupting their consumption of spanakopita...but then again I could be wrong.

After all, those Greeks are truly a wacky bunch.


(Photos via ONTD)

McPhee is the NEW Nelly Furtado/Shakira/Justin Timberlake?

Miss McPhee is recording a track for her upcoming album with mega-producer Nate Hills (of "SexyBack"/"Promiscuous"/"Hips Don't Lie" fame).

Here's the thing, I've seen Kat do "sexy" on the Idol...and it didn't work for her.


Sultry Lounge Singer?

McPhee can do.


But the ability to bring sexy "back"???

That's simply not in the McPhee repertoire.


For more on this "story," CLICK HERE.