Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Paula is a Blazin' Hot Mess - Part 3,234



(video via Defamer)

My Life is not a Hair Salon

CLICK HERE to read the Idol-related announcement we've all been waiting for!

That's right.

Fantasia is opening a chain of beauty salons!!!



Don't worry...'Tasia has not sold herself out to the green devil. Her latest business venture is not about making money.

She's doing it for the baby mamas.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

File Under : Never Going to Happen

Contrary to THIS STORY, Kat McPhee is NOT the new Jennifer Hudson!

So she is most definitely NOT the new Lynda Carter either!

Monday, August 28, 2006

Where judge jru won't be on September 24th



EVENT:
BOBBY BENNETT LIVE

Hosted By: Bobby Bennett

When: Sunday Sep 24, 2006 at 7:00 PM

Where: LANNIES CLOCK TOWER CABARET..ON 16th STREET MALL
1601 ARAPAHOE STREET
DENVER, CO 80202
USA



**It should be noted that the above "Mock-Up" of Bobby on the cover of TIME magazine is not something that I made. It's something that Bobby posted on his MySpace profile.

Seriously.

In a strange way...it's almost awkwardly cute.

But only almost.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Someone's Getting a Little Litigious...

...and that someone would be Taylor Hicks.

CLICK HERE if you feel like boring yourself to death in thirty seconds or less.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Pink is the NEW Clarkson

Popbytes just posted the new Clarkson/Vitamin Water Ad.

And well...it's very very pink.



And speaking of Pink...Mister Popbytes (MK) also posted a straming link of the Aiken's cover of "Without You," which is...well...it sounds exactly how you think Aiken singing "Without You" would sound.



(If the above Aiken link doesn't work, you can also listen to the ditty on the Aiken's MySpace page.)

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Mikalah Mugged!

CLICK HERE to read the thrilling story of how Idol 4 contestant Mikalah got robbed at gunpoint!



I wonder if her hyena laugh scared her attackers away...or maybe Mikalah just "charmed" her way out of the dangerous situation.

That totally could have happened...right?

Useless! (Chapter Three - The Kat McPhee Story)

As I might have mentioned once or twice before...I might be done with the winner of Idol 5 (Taylor Hicks).

It turns out that I am also done with the Idol 5 runner-up (Kat McPhee)...



BUT if you aren't just like judge jru (but that's only like three people, right?), then maybe you should CLICK HERE to read Kat's latest interview in US Weekly...where Kat talks about nothing new.

Boring!

When does Idol 6 start again?

(Link via ONTD)

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Go Tall Girl!

Ayla Brown (a.k.a.: the Idol 5 semi-finalist that played Basketball) just signed a record deal.

Seriously.

Granted it's with some podunk record label...but still...it's a record deal.

If Brenna Gethers announces her record deal next, I'm going to kill someone.


Psssssssssssst!!!!

Seacrest!

That means you!

Everybody Loves Fantasia, except for ____ and ____

The Cable Ratings Report is IN!

Fantasia is an even bigger hit than Shatner and that Gaysian from Star Trek!


"The Fantasia Barrino Story: Life is Not a Fairy Tale" drew a hefty 6.6 million viewers in its premiere on Saturday, making it the No. 2 original movie in the cable network's 22-year history. Only the 1995 flick "Almost Golden," which starred Sela Ward as journalist Jessica Savitch.

The premiere also drew the best ratings of any original movie on cable this year among the female viewers Lifetime targets. A replay of the movie on Sunday brought in an additional 5 million sets of eyeballs.

As for Shatner, the "Comedy Central Roast" of the legendarily hammy "Star Trek" and "Boston Legal" star drew an audience of 3.6 million on Sunday night, 2.1 million of whom fell into the adults 18-49 demographic advertisers love.


So everybody loves Fantasia...except for me and Ray Richmond.

I tried to watch "The Fantasia Barrino Story" starring Fantasia Barrino as Fantasia Barrino. Really. I did! But I didn't even make it to the first commecial break. Once Dwayne Wayne started yelling at his kids about how their family band was more important than schoolwork...I was D-O-N-E.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Useless! (Chapter Two)

CLICK HERE to read the very informative article entitled "So You Want to be an Idol? Taylor Hicks Tells You How."




Alternate Title :
"How to be lucky and win the Idol by appearing on the worst season on the Idol ever"

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Useless!

Just in case you were DYING to see what Taylor Hicks looked like in middle school...



Fascinating...isn't it?

(Pic via ONTD)

Friday, August 18, 2006

The Reviews are IN!!!

And the verdict?



Fantasia can't act.



I would feel sorry for Miss Barrino...except for the fact that this review is just so f*cking funny!

Check it out:


'Fantasia' struggles to play herself in 'Fairy Tale'
By Ray Richmond (The Hollywood Reporter)

When Ann Jillian starred in her own overcoming-adversity autobiopic in 1988, it seemed to make sense. For one thing, the woman was a real actress. For another, she was 38 and had lived some real life before contracting breast cancer and undergoing a devastating double mastectomy.

Jillian's role in "The Ann Jillian Story" earned her a Golden Globe win as well as an Emmy nomination. Contrast this with Lifetime's "The Fantasia Barrino Story: Life Is Not a Fairy Tale," based on a best-selling bio and starring Barrino as Barrino. Yes, she endured a string of jerky guys, a pregnancy (following an alleged rape), single motherhood at age 17, grinding poverty and the burden of going through life with a name taken from a Disney movie before winning on "American Idol." Great stuff. But she's also 22. To say that Barrino's story is incomplete is the essence of understatement.

Oh, one other problem: Barrino can't act. She's very sweet and all, but she tends to gobble her words and expresses range by lowering her eyes, as if the answer to life lay somewhere at her feet. So while it's an interesting idea to try to tell the tale of a life in progress through the woman living that life, the capacity to convey a certain depth of emotion on cue would seem to be a minimum prerequisite. And Barrino obviously tries hard but can't pull it off, no matter how much director
Debbie Allen tries to drill it into her. The result is an assortment of awkwardly delivered cliches in search of a greater purpose that it never quite finds.

The irony of the film's title is that it really does try to give the impression that life is a fairy tale, albeit one that arrives only after eating plenty of dirt. As is standard in Lifetime movies, the men here are pretty much exclusively users and abusers who look at women as either playthings or punching bags. And Barrino finds herself on the receiving end of that passion and wrath pretty consistently, winding up with a baby daughter and an empty bank account as a result. But she auditions for "Idol" in Atlanta, and her sweet voice and intense style lead her to the musical promised land. Fame and fortune predictably follow.

Not to minimize Fantasia's triumphant struggle, but as a film story line it tends to have all the compelling drama of watching wax drip from a burning candle.


I don't know who Ray Richmond of "The Hollywood Reporter" is, but I want to...because I think he needs to be my new boyfriend.

Seriously.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Clarkson Goes to Skool

The Clarkson is SUCH a good sport...


Get this video and more at MySpace.com


...she should get a prize for fun-est Idol winner ever.

Or something.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Dreaming of Oscar

The hype for Jennifer Hudson's performance in "Dreamgirls" continues with a new article in the very special Oscar section of the LA Times.



CLICK HERE to read all about how Hudson is blowing test audiences away with her "Effie."

* * *

And while we are on the topic of "Dreamgirls," I came across this bit of YouTube goodness today...



In case you couldn't tell, that's the Idol 2 castoff Frenchie Davis playing the part of Effie in a recent production of the stage version of the Tony award winning musical.



She ain't going anywhere either.

The Timberlake hates Taylor Hicks...

...or at least he claims he does in the new Fashion Rocks insert in Vanity Fair:

"People think he looks so normal, and he's so sweet and he's so earnest, but he can't carry a tune in a bucket. ... If he has any skeletons whatsoever, if God forbid, he's gay, and if all these people in Mississippi who voted for him are like [then he takes on a thick southern accent], 'Oh my god, I voted for a queer!' It's just too much pressure."


You're going to pull the "Taylor Hicks is a giant homo" card, JT?

REALLY?

NOW?

Masters of the Obvious : Headline Edition

The Asbury Park Press editors really need to try harder when coming up with a headline for their article on the local Jersey Idol auditions...



Lamest.

Idol.

Headline.

Ever.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Heart Full of Hate

I know this is old news...but after getting an email from my friend, Zak, I was reminded of just how much I hate this guy.

OK, so here is the news...


Taylor Hicks just signed a book deal worth $750,000 to have his name and picture put on the cover of a book, entitled "Heart Full of Soul."

A man named David Wild (a "music" journalist) will actually write the book.


Let's just hope that this one doesn't get turned into a Lifetime movie too.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Remember HER???

Because I'm not sure if I do...



(video via Just Jared)

Friday, August 11, 2006

Who Shouldn't Be in the Running Towards Becoming America's Next Top Model?

Katharine McPhee!



Seriously.



Please.

Stop.

(First Pic via Popbytes)

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Look! Official Idol Documents!

A friend o' mine (a.k.a.: SS) auditioned for the Idol just a couple of days ago at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena.

He was kind enough to send me a copy of his seat ticket...

Idol Auditions Seat Ticket

...and the official Idol audition instructions...

IdolInstructions

...for your viewing pleasure.

Please. Remember. It's all about YOU having FUN! And us. Having FUN!

It's not about feeding the multi-million dollar television show/tour/CD/magazine/t-shirt/poster/DVD/board machine at all.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

America's Next Top Songwriter?

The people at the Idol are actually letting us choose the song for the Idol 6 winner to sing?

Seriously?

Does this mean that for the first time ever...we might have an Idol debut single that is worth talking about?

Discuss.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

It begins...

...for the sixth time.

Let's hope this crop features at least a couple of Kimberley Lockes...and maybe a few Chris Daughtrys.

But let's pray that America doesn't give birth to another Taylor Hicks.

Some of us didn't even want the first one.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Diagnosis : Bad Case of the "Mondays"

The Cure?


A BRAND NEW INTERVIEW with Diana DeNoNo...



...who is now starring as "Brooklyn" in the touring version of "Brooklyn - The Musical")!

Friday, August 04, 2006

Let's hope his songs are better than his haircut



CLICK HERE for a full track listing of all of the "brilliant" new and "classic" songs that the Aiken is tackling on his upcoming new album.

I would post the full list here...but I can't seem to muster up any excitement at the thought hearing the 1,000 rendition of "Without You."

Or "I Want to Know What Love Is," Clay's duet with StupidSuzie from "Rock Star-INXS."

And I'm refusing to address the fact that Clay has decided to "interpret" a Diane Warren song made famous by Celine Dion.

Does anyone want and/or need that?

I know a certain someone that is DESPERATE to appear on VH1's next "DIVAS" concert...

Thursday, August 03, 2006

God hates Katharine McPhee

CLICK HERE for the full story.

Elliott Yamin is...



...going to be OK!

And going to be signing a record deal very soon!

Momma Yamin must be bursting with pride!



Let's just hope she's not bursting too much.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Have you met...



...Kalan Porter?



He's the winner of Canadian Idol 2.



I'm pretty sure he is made out of pixie dust and toothpicks.



And I might be a little obsessed.



Seriously.



He's in a string quartet!



His fans are called "Kalanadians."



He's like Clay Aiken...with a perm...and a sense of modesty.



He's so wrong...that he HAS to be right.



RIGHT?

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Baby Mama Drama

According to this story, the Idol producers are claiming that they would NEVER pressure a contestant to drop out for moral reasons.

Never.

Except for that one time...when they kicked out the best Idol contestant ever.

When Thom Met Kelly

If Thom Yorke and Kelly Clarkson fell in love, had a love child, and then abandoned that child in the dumpster behind Urth Caffe...that child might grow up to write a song.

And that song would probably sound something like this:


(Song via Stereogum)