Tuesday, May 23, 2006

worst. finale. ever?**

TOP 2 OF THE IDOL 5

**I hate this show for making me feel like a “Negative Nancy,” but dude…this episode sucked. It felt very anticlimactic. Maybe this performance episode finale was no worse than last year…but still…where is the excitement?

Where was the love?

Maybe I should go ask Justin Timberlake tonight when I’m at the gym...

OK, no more delaying the inevitable...

ROUND ONE

1) Katharine McPhee ("Black Horse and the Cherry Tree") – At least she didn’t crawl around on the floor this time. (I heard that even KT Tunstall didn't care for that bit.)

But at least the stage crawl was interesting!

Katharine's performance was about as exciting as an episode of that show where that chick from "I Know What You Did Last Summer" talks to ghosts.

2) Taylor Hicks ("Living in the City") - If I had to pick a performance of Taylor's that I actually liked all season. This would be it.

That being said.

Taylor still bugs me more than the idea of going on a date with that evil awful homo from "The Real World : Key West."


ROUND TWO

1) Katharine McPhee ("Over the Rainbow") - Lovely song. Lovely performance. Even better than last week.

The only performance of the night that managed to get me excited. At this very moment, I feel like maybe...just maybe...the final original song won't suck.

I should have known better.

2) Taylor Hicks ("Levon") - Have you ever met a guy that you just want to punch someone in the face even though you are a pacifist and registered as a
conscientious objector?

Yeah...well...Taylor is one of those guys for me.


ROUND THREE

1) Katharine McPhee ("My Destiny") - As soon as the Seacrest announced that the title of the song was "My Destiny," I knew I was in trouble.

And I wasn't wrong.

The whole fiasco got me thinking...

Who picks these songs?

Where do they come from?

Is there a factory located somewhere in Tulsa that just churns out tripe like this?

Who runs the factory?

Is it Michael Bolton?

Perhaps it's Kathy Lee Gifford?

Whoever it is...they should be taken out behind the nearest barn and shot. A thousand times.

2) Taylor Hicks ("Do I Make You Proud?") - With a song title like that...do I even need to say anything?

I can only imagine what the backup gospel chorus was thinking. Probably something like, "Lord Jesus, please strike me down right now! Before I have to finish singing this song. Please? I'll be your best friend. Honest!"


judge jru votes

For no one.


judge jru predicts

Taylor is totally going to win this shit.

Oh well.

I don't care for the President of this country either.

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