Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Princes, Marys, and Clays...Oh My!

WHAT JUDGE JRU LEARNED ABOUT AMERICA BY WATCHING THE LAST ELIMINATION EPISODE OF THE IDOL 5

America loves 29 year old, prematurely grey, puffy white boys who think they've got "soul."



AND America hates beautiful, buxom brunettes with big voices.



Bye Katharine...we'll miss your perkiness...and your knack for singing gay anthems about a beautiful land called Oz!



Hello Taylor!



Welcome to being the least exciting Idol winner since...

Well...since the last one.

* * *

As for the rest of the show...the Idol producers finally got it right. I don't know what happened. I don't know who put who in charge of this event...but it was seriously the most entertaining two hours of the Idol 5.

That Clay and his Single White Homo moment?

Genius!

That ridiculously craptastic Katharine McPhee/Meat Loaf incident?

Out of control awesome!

That awkward duet between Mary J. Blige and Elliott Yamin?

I almost crapped my pants!

It truly embodied all that I love about the Idol:
  • The awkwardness of fresh, young, eager new singers!
  • The ridiculously crass and easy jokes at the expense of clueless individuals!
  • The awesomely bad ensembles that the Idol stylists squeeze the contestants into!
All superbly wondrous!

I could gush forever about this 2 hour bit of television goodness...but I won't because it's late...and I'm still exhausted from trying to decipher what the heck was going on in the "LOST" finale. (What happened with Desomond and the Key? The Sky turned purple...REALLY?)

Anyways, back to the Idol finale...

Let's just say that this was the best thing the people over at Idol have produced since that awesomely bad "American Idols in Las Vegas" concert special that aired on Fox at the end of season one.

THE END


Thanks again for reading America!

love, hugs, and kisses,
judge jru

4 Comments:

Blogger dale said...

Welcome to being the least exciting Idol winner since...

Well...since the last one.


Yeah, but looking at that picture up there, who'd be more interesting? "Peter Brady"? "Chicken Little?" "Gayface?" (That last one had me spitting Diet Coke on the monitor when I saw that you'd titled his JPG with it :-) Forget the chicks, they never had a chance this year.

I'm not Taylor's biggest fan, but he's got enough frickin' energy and love of the industry that the Idol machine can squeeze an awful lot of work out of him before he burns out. I think he'll be okay.

As with last year, I'll make next year's prediction here. It will certainly be a woman, and almost assuredly a minority. Probably Hispanic, although Fantasia's lack of success and Clive's penchant for Whitney Houston types might point to another African American. Full logic for these predictions can be found within my review of Bo Bice's album.

Thanks for the blog, jru. For week after week, once I'd watched the show, this was the first place I'd go. (The vacation blog is pretty funny as well.)

5:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what a great job you did all season--i am a total idolhollic and because of work, missed a number of tuesdays/and wednesdays--you info was great--i first saw rickey.org on your site so i could hear the mp3s--all the best to you and a total yashir co-ach!

romey in chicago

6:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was the best idol finale result show ever. As much as I hate Kelly Pickler, I cracked up during "Puck 'n Pickler." LOVED the Clay Aiken thing, that was beyond awesome. And Toni Braxton dancing with Taylor? It was greatness. It was by far the most entertaining finale of the show's history!

Kalli

8:03 AM  
Blogger Tanning Lotion said...

What a great show last night. It was great to see Mandisa. I think that she is a real beauty. She has designer skin with that complexion and boy can she sing. She leaves me spellbound. It was nice to see Taylor win, that man has soul. He will be a rock star Katherine I believe has the best voice in American Idol history plus she is hot. Lisa is one bronze sexy diva. It is hard to believe that she is only 17, she performs way beyond her years. My wife thinks that I am neurotic for my passion to Idol. How about Kelli P., I'll never forget when Simon called her a minx and she did not know what it was. I bet it was wild to see her at first in California, about the only thing going for her was a tan. However she is quite sinful with her denim & diamonds look, quite ravishing. I think that Paris with that winey voice is a bi-polar drama queen, not the goddess that Randy thinks she is. It was really good to see Taylor win. He did not let intimidation get in the way of his heart's desire. He let his sheer wisdom push his dream on and his free spirit guide him. It was nice to see the revival of little Kevin. If Chicken Little is famous then Kevin is Almost Famous. He looks like an Angel with a halo, the only thing missing is the ray of light. Back to Katharine she really did build up to the climax this season. She is such a bombshell. Of course I am jaded by the awesome voice. I would worship the ground she walks on. Fox promised to tantalize us and they did it. Great year guys and gals.

2:25 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home