Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Those Damn Kids!

The new Idol 5 "Encores" CD was outsold by the Dixie Chicks (no surprise) and by the Soundtrack to that ridiculously perky TV movie musical, "High School Musical " (REALLY?) this week.

On the plus side, the "Encores" CD sold 154,000 copies and entered in at #3 on the Billboard Top 200 album charts...which is the highest chart debut for any Idol compilation in the show's history.

Click here
to read the full story.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

I want a "very special friend" for MY very own!

Wait...so they are more than "just friends"?



They are "very special friends!"


OH!

That totally clears things up.

People Pay Real Money to buy THIS?

So I finally got my hands on the new American Idol "Encores" CD...and so I feel it's my judge-ly duty to share with you all...my track-by-track review.


AMERICAN IDOL 5 - "ENCORES" CD


1) "What About Love" - Melissa McGhee

Not as bad as one might think.

I thought I even liked Melissa's singing...and then I remembered that Melissa is simply a poor man's Jessica Sierra.


2) "Superstition" - Bucky Covington

Bucky's rendition is worse than bad.

It's mediocre.

And that's a whole pile of dull-ness that I just can't get behind.

If you want an awesomely bad rendition of this song...look no further than the soundtrack to that Disney "hit"/theme park ride, "The Haunted Mansion."



It really doesn't get any better than that.

G-d bless Raven-Symone and her red onesie. She truly is God's gift to tweens (and homos like me).


3) "I'm Every Woman" - Mandisa


Take any big-voiced sassy black woman who sings in her church choir on Sunday and stick her in a recording studio for a day...and you'll get something way better than this.


4) "Wanted Dead Or Alive" - Chris Daughtry


Did you ever wonder what Bon Jovi would sound like if the band was fronted by the former lead singer of FUEL?

Thanks to Chris and the people over at Idol...we don't have to wonder any more.


5) "Father Figure" - Ace Young

At least he's pretty.


6) "Takin' It To the Streets" - Taylor Hicks


Here's a little Idol Proof for you math folks/Gwyneth Paltrow fans out there:

IF

(Lame * 1000) = MegaLAME

THEN

Taylor Hicks = MegaLAME


7) "Signed, Sealed, Delivered (I'm Yours)" - Lisa Tucker


With her cutesy pageant-y style and strong vocal chops, Lisa Tucker had the potential to be the new Diana DeNoNo.

Instead, little Miss Tucker sounds like she should be added on as the senior member of the American Juniors.



See?

She TOTALLY fits right in!


8) Walkin' After Midnight - Kellie Pickler


There are only so many different ways to say "This Sucks."

And right now, I've run out of options.


9) Moody's Mood for Love - Elliott Yamin

Elliott's vocals on this track = GOOD

The decision to sing THIS song on the Idols CD = BAD


10) Think - Katharine McPhee


Remember when I said that I grew to like Katharine McPhee?

Yeah...I was an idiot.


11) Midnight Train To Georgia - Paris Bennett

Paris is the only Idol 5 contestant that is 100 percent judge jru approved.

She can do no wrong in my book.


And since I'm such a giver, you can click on the link below and enjoy get a copy of Paris' song for your very own!




12) When I Fall In Love - Kevin Covais

I didn't waste my time listening to all of this track...and I won't waste your time with it either.


judge jru's overall impression of "Encores"

Download the Paris track...and then wait for her album.

As for the rest (with the exception of Elliott and Chris)...just let them go...just like you did with AJ Gil, Charles Grigsby, Lindsey Cardinale, Rickey Smith, Leah Labelle, and all the rest.

You won't miss a thing.

Promise.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

The Guy Behind That Awful Purple Jacket?

CLICK HERE to read an interview with the stylist to the Idols in one of the local LA gay rags, "iN."

In the in-depth interview, all is revealed...including the fact that Mandisa is verynice and the Seacrest is TOTALLY straight.

Yeah...and Paula Abdul is TOTALLY sober.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Damn yo...She's taken!

Katharine McPhee has a secret boyfriend that she's been keeping on the DL...so that's why she turned down John Mayer!

Constantine and Kellie Pickler are NOT dating. They're just GOOD friends!

CLICK HERE for the full story.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Genius!



Hi Clay!

(pic via American Idol Blog 2006)

Sucker!

I don't feel sorry for this bitch at all.



Click here to find out what's going on with the worst idol finalist ever.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Relive the magic...All Over Again.

Watch here...



Or click on over to here.

I could watch that bit over and over again...FOREVER AND EVER!

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Princes, Marys, and Clays...Oh My!

WHAT JUDGE JRU LEARNED ABOUT AMERICA BY WATCHING THE LAST ELIMINATION EPISODE OF THE IDOL 5

America loves 29 year old, prematurely grey, puffy white boys who think they've got "soul."



AND America hates beautiful, buxom brunettes with big voices.



Bye Katharine...we'll miss your perkiness...and your knack for singing gay anthems about a beautiful land called Oz!



Hello Taylor!



Welcome to being the least exciting Idol winner since...

Well...since the last one.

* * *

As for the rest of the show...the Idol producers finally got it right. I don't know what happened. I don't know who put who in charge of this event...but it was seriously the most entertaining two hours of the Idol 5.

That Clay and his Single White Homo moment?

Genius!

That ridiculously craptastic Katharine McPhee/Meat Loaf incident?

Out of control awesome!

That awkward duet between Mary J. Blige and Elliott Yamin?

I almost crapped my pants!

It truly embodied all that I love about the Idol:
  • The awkwardness of fresh, young, eager new singers!
  • The ridiculously crass and easy jokes at the expense of clueless individuals!
  • The awesomely bad ensembles that the Idol stylists squeeze the contestants into!
All superbly wondrous!

I could gush forever about this 2 hour bit of television goodness...but I won't because it's late...and I'm still exhausted from trying to decipher what the heck was going on in the "LOST" finale. (What happened with Desomond and the Key? The Sky turned purple...REALLY?)

Anyways, back to the Idol finale...

Let's just say that this was the best thing the people over at Idol have produced since that awesomely bad "American Idols in Las Vegas" concert special that aired on Fox at the end of season one.

THE END


Thanks again for reading America!

love, hugs, and kisses,
judge jru

Seriously Awesome

Remember how I said last night's episode was the worst finale ever?

Well...tonight's results show is officially the best results show finale ever.


As for Clay's new hair?



It's Mystical and Magical.


This truly IS the night.

So here's the thing...

There is no time right now!

I'll do an official full post later tonight...

BUT I can't resist...

Because...

Uh...

Did that Katharine McPhee/Meat Loaf dramatic interpretation of "It's All Coming Back To Me Now" really just happen?



That was seriously the most craptastic thing I've ever seen.

Seriously.

Magical.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

worst. finale. ever?**

TOP 2 OF THE IDOL 5

**I hate this show for making me feel like a “Negative Nancy,” but dude…this episode sucked. It felt very anticlimactic. Maybe this performance episode finale was no worse than last year…but still…where is the excitement?

Where was the love?

Maybe I should go ask Justin Timberlake tonight when I’m at the gym...

OK, no more delaying the inevitable...

ROUND ONE

1) Katharine McPhee ("Black Horse and the Cherry Tree") – At least she didn’t crawl around on the floor this time. (I heard that even KT Tunstall didn't care for that bit.)

But at least the stage crawl was interesting!

Katharine's performance was about as exciting as an episode of that show where that chick from "I Know What You Did Last Summer" talks to ghosts.

2) Taylor Hicks ("Living in the City") - If I had to pick a performance of Taylor's that I actually liked all season. This would be it.

That being said.

Taylor still bugs me more than the idea of going on a date with that evil awful homo from "The Real World : Key West."


ROUND TWO

1) Katharine McPhee ("Over the Rainbow") - Lovely song. Lovely performance. Even better than last week.

The only performance of the night that managed to get me excited. At this very moment, I feel like maybe...just maybe...the final original song won't suck.

I should have known better.

2) Taylor Hicks ("Levon") - Have you ever met a guy that you just want to punch someone in the face even though you are a pacifist and registered as a
conscientious objector?

Yeah...well...Taylor is one of those guys for me.


ROUND THREE

1) Katharine McPhee ("My Destiny") - As soon as the Seacrest announced that the title of the song was "My Destiny," I knew I was in trouble.

And I wasn't wrong.

The whole fiasco got me thinking...

Who picks these songs?

Where do they come from?

Is there a factory located somewhere in Tulsa that just churns out tripe like this?

Who runs the factory?

Is it Michael Bolton?

Perhaps it's Kathy Lee Gifford?

Whoever it is...they should be taken out behind the nearest barn and shot. A thousand times.

2) Taylor Hicks ("Do I Make You Proud?") - With a song title like that...do I even need to say anything?

I can only imagine what the backup gospel chorus was thinking. Probably something like, "Lord Jesus, please strike me down right now! Before I have to finish singing this song. Please? I'll be your best friend. Honest!"


judge jru votes

For no one.


judge jru predicts

Taylor is totally going to win this shit.

Oh well.

I don't care for the President of this country either.

Dreamgurrrrls!

Look!

A new "Dreamgirls" featurette!

Featuring the Idol 3's very own Jennifer Hudson!



Damn yo...that gurl can act! AND sing!

When Beyonce says that your voice is a gift from God...then your voice is TRULY a gift from God, Yahweh, and Allah...or something.

Monday, May 22, 2006

The "BIG" Finish

On Wednesday night's big Idol 5 finale...the following is supposed to happen:
  • Daniel "Lame is My Middle Name" Powter will perform that "Bad Day" song you hear at the end of every F-ing elimination episode of the Idol.
  • The rumored Idol Single will be "Make It Real" and/or "Through It All." These little ditties were written by some combination of Nick Lachey, the Idol 1's very own Tamyra Gray, and/or a couple of random dudes.
  • Katharine McPhee will perform with Meat Loaf
  • Taylor Hicks will perform with a mysterious guest performer.
  • Elliott Yamin will perform with Mary J. Blige.
  • Chris Daughtry will perform with Live (the Band).

I haven't been this unexcited by an Idol finale...since...well...since last year.

(Sources for these bits were provided by Foxes on Idol and Dlisted via Kristen P.)

Sunday, May 21, 2006

God Bless Hate Email

From: E G
To: judgejru@gmail.com
Date: May 20, 2006 7:47 AM
Subject: Katharine McPhee

She is stupid, she forgets her words to the song, she has a fat ass and she looks like she is pregnant. If she wins it is only because her Dad is/was a washed up producer who worked for fox and still has connections with Fox.



Hmmm...I wonder if that "Katharine's Dad Has Connections at Fox" bit is true...but if so, I'm pretty sure that just means that Katharine had an easier time getting her foot in the door. I don't think she has gone as far as she had based on connections alone.

That sh*t would just be too krazy for words yo!

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Hung is King

How can any self-respecting newspaper write a story about how the artichoke capital of the world (Castroville, California) just named William Hung, "Artichoke King?"

Seriously?

And what kind of blog provides a link to the article?

Oh wait.

Friday, May 19, 2006

The Velvet Teddybear hearts hos!

Remember this dude?



Even though he hasn't really been up to much in the recording world...



...it's clear that Ruben has been VERY busy!



(Crunk and Disorderly posted these fine photos.)

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Shut Yo Mouth and Say it Ain't So!

WHAT JUDGE JRU LEARNED ABOUT AMERICA BY WATCHING THE THIRTEENTH ELIMINATION EPISODE OF THE IDOL 5

America hates nice young diabetic Jewish boys from Virginia.



Bye Elliott!



As much trash talkin' as I may have spewed your way...I will miss you!

Thank G-d/Yahweh/Allah for Katharine!

THE TOP THREE OF THE IDOL 5


ROUND ONE - CLIVE DAVIS' PICKS


1) Elliott Yamin ("Open Arms," by Journey) - Elliott is one eager puppy.

Vote for ME!

Pet me!

Feed me!


2) Katharine McPhee ("I Believe I Can Fly," by R.Kelly) - I hate this song!

Like POISON!

What was Clive thinkin'?

He is one Hot Ghetto Mess!

And so is Katharine!


3) Taylor Hicks ("Dancing in the Dark," by Bruce Springsteen) - Does Taylor practice the facial expressions he makes in the mirror before he goes on stage?

Because if he did...he would have at least 49 years of bad luck.


ROUND TWO - JUDGES' PICK

1) Elliott Yamin (Paula chose "What You Won'’t Do for Love," by Bobby Caldwell)
- Nice, but forgettable.

Just like Elliott.

Let's be honest...if Elliott didn't have the whole diabetes/deaf in one ear/raised by a single parent/nice Jewish Boy from Virginia thing going on, we all just wouldn't care.

(Or at least I wouldn't.)


2) Katharine McPhee (Simon chose "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," by Judy Garland) - She's sitting on the stage floor again? Really?

Oh wait.

This is good.

Really good.

I'm not sure I'm down with the Norah Jones arrangement.

But the McPhee is good.

What happened?

I think Katharine has a chance of winning this thing.

This is very exciting.

Next week, might actually be exciting.

WooOOoooOOoOOoooOOo!


3) Taylor Hicks (Randy chose "You Are So Beautiful," by Joe Cocker) - How has Taylor lasted this long?

The Soul Patrol is crazier than the Claymates!

BUT at least Clay was awkwardly interesting and not just awkward.

The world already has one Michael McDonald.

We don't need another.


ROUND THREE - CONTESTANTS' PICK

1) Elliott Yamin ("I Believe to My Soul," by Ray Charles/Donny Hathaway)
- Fine vocal performance...if you like your soul served over easy.

I don't. I like mine hardboiled.


2) Katharine McPhee ("I Ain't Got Nothing but the Blues," by Ella Fitzgerald) - Loved Katharine's short black dress/black boot combo.

And I enjoyed her performance too.


3) Taylor Hicks ("Try A Little Tenderness," by Otis Redding) - ofcoursehechosethissong.

AND...

ofcourseihateditlikepoison.

blam.



who judge jru would have voted for

Elliott. Katharine. Katharine. Katharine. Katharine.


judge jru "predicts"

Taylor.

PLEASE?

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Game Delay

Due to the fact that I'm slighly underwhelmed by the song choices of tonight's episode...and the fact that I'm attempting to have a social life beyond the wonderful world of television....my Idol 5 Top 3 Idol recap will not be posted until tomorrow evening, May 16th.

Thanks for reading!

xo,
judge jru

Tonight's "Set List"

This week is Clive Davis and the judges will pick a song for each Idol-ite.

Here's the "set list" for tonight's big show...

Taylor Hicks
Clive Davis' Choice: Dancing in the Dark by Bruce Springsteen
Randy Jackons's Choice: You are So Beautiful to Me by Joe Cocker

Katharine McPhee
Clive Davis' Choice: I Believe I Can Fly by R. Kelly
Simon Cowell's Choice: Somewhere Over the Rainbow from The Wizard of Oz

Elliott Yamin
Clive Davis' Choice: Open Arms by Journey
Paula Abdul's Choice: What You Won't Do For Love by Bobby Caldwell


I'm bored already.


(Set List via Kristen P via Dlisted)

Monday, May 15, 2006

Just like us?

Elliott takes pictures of D-List celebrities...



JUST LIKE US!

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Xenu Idol?

Katharine McPhee is NOT...I repeat...is NOT a Scientologist!



She just dated one once.


CLICK HERE for the full story.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Kimberley Locke loves the 'mos!

Kimberley's got a new album coming out...so that means an interview with her favorite gay magazine, The Advocate!



Click on the picture above (or on this link) to read the full interview with the gays' second favorite Idol contestant of all time.

(Sorry Kimberley...I know you probably know this already...but no one will ever top the Clarkson.)

Friday, May 12, 2006

Fun with Video!

Click on over to the Malcontent to watch Chris Daughtry's fall from Idol grace.



Over.



And over.



AND over.



Again.


Not that I've done THAT...



...more than ten times.

Idol Conspiracy Theory #4569

THIS STORY can't be true.

RIGHT?



Thursday, May 11, 2006

ofcourseitis

the MAJOR band that is offering fallen Idol-ite Chris Daughtry the chance at frontin'?

FUEL.

The multi-platinum rock band Fuel has offered 'American Idol's' Chris Daughtry a gig with the band.

TMZ has learned that Fuel will make the offer in an exclusive interview on the television show 'EXTRA' tonight.



ofcourseitis.

Chris is the NEW Fuel?

According to this story/audio clip from Seacrest's radio show, Chris Daughtry is going to be offered the chance of lifetime...when he will be asked to be the LEAD singer of a MAJOR band that Chris LOVES.

The real question is...

Is Fuel considered a MAJOR band?

What about Live? Can they really be considered a MAJOR band anymore?

I would go ask the dolphins, because they are verysmart...but I think they are too busy crying.

Taylor Hicks is the NEW Pacman?

Uh...



Taylor Hicks is totally going to win the Idol 5.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Chris Daughtry is the NEW Tamyra (or LaToya)

WHAT JUDGE JRU LEARNED ABOUT AMERICA BY WATCHING THE TWELFTH ELIMINATION EPISODE OF THE IDOL 5

America hates hot talented young stepfathers who sound just like the lead singer of FUEL.



Bye Chris!



I'll miss you most of all!


Lucky Bitch of the Night
(aka: the other person in the bottom two)

Katharine McPhee.

Hi...you're the new, slightly more talented Jasmine Trias/Nikki McKibbin!

It would be a shonda NOT to vote for him!

According to EW.com, Elliott Yamin is not only a nice Jewish boy from Virginia...but he has diabetes...was raised by a single parent...AND is deaf in one ear.

Seriously, how have I NOT been voting for this dude?

Seriously!

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

All Shook Up

THE TOP 4 OF THE IDOL 5
Theme: Elvis Presley/Tommy Mottola night


ROUND ONE

1) Taylor Hicks ("Jailhouse Rock") - Can someone PLEASE stop this bitch from dancing?

PLEASE!

I'll pay good money.

Yo Jeff Gillooly! Where are you when we need you?


2) Chris Daughtry ("Suspicious Minds") - The sideburns are back. Just in time for Elvis week!

Ofcoursetheyare.

As for Chris' performance? I liked it MUCH better than his sideburns.


3) Elliott Yamin ("If I Can Dream") - Boring!

Technically proficient...but soulless.


4) Katharine McPhee ("Hound Dog"/"All Shook Up") - Good...until the bit where she forgot the words.

Then...it wasn't so good.



ROUND TWO

1) Taylor Hicks ("In the Ghetto") - I prefer Cartman's version.


2) Chris Daughtry ("A Little Less Conversation") - Chris sang about how he needed someone to "satisfy" him.

Um...Chris?

Not that I'm propositioning you or anything...but...uh...I know a certain self-appointed fourth judge of the idol that would be more than happy to help you out with that whole "satisfaction" problem you got going on...


3) Elliott Yamin ("Trouble") - Elliott simply tries too damn hard. I love him for it...BUT there is just no way that he is going to be "allowed" to win the Idol.

He's the guy that tries harder than anyone else...but always ends up finishing second...third...or fourth.


4) Katharine McPhee ("Can't Help Falling in Love") - Uh...I even prefer the A*Teens version over Katharine's scholarship pageant performance.

The whole thing was so not hawt.

Like not hawt at all.


judge jru votes

Chris. Because I'm shallow. And he's hot.


judge jru predicts

Katharine.

Or maybe Taylor?

Even though Taylor has never been in the bottom two, a boy can still dream...a boy can dream...



ONE more thing...

What was up with the whole "we're going to ignore the fact that Tommy Mottola enslaved Mariah Carey for the first half of her career" bit?

I didn't care for that.

I didn't care for that at all.

Who's ready for the Seacrest to do the world's worst impersonation of Elvis?

IDOL 5'S ELVIS NIGHT - THE SETLIST

Elliott Yamin:
"Trouble" and "If I Can Dream"

Chris Daughtry:
"A Little Less Conversation" and "Suspicious Minds"

Taylor Hicks: "In the Ghetto" and "Jailhouse Rock"

Katharine McPhee: "Hound Dog/All Shook Up" and "Can't Help Falling in Love"


ADDED BONUS:

Here is a picture of the country slut as she reunites with her daddy...




(Setlist according to AOL via Dlisted via Kristen P.)

Monday, May 08, 2006

Aikengate Update!

I just came across this story...and now I'm very confused.

Supposedly, Clay was in Florida at Busch Gardens...so...that means...that Clay couldn't have been the mo that was having unprotected sex with John Paulus at a hotel in North Carolina on the same day...unless he has an evil twin brother.

Or something...


I don't know who to trust.

I don't know what to believe.


Where are Mulder and Scully when you need them?

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Remember this mo?

Idol 4 defector, Mario Vazquez, is back y'all!



With a brand new track, "Gallery," that you can download at the iTunes music store in English OR in Spanglish!



For those of you looking to save $1.98, you can listen to both tracks on Mario's official MySpace profile.


And in even bigger news...Mario's album drops "sometime" this summer!



It's a very exciting time for those of you out there that just LOVE the Vazquez!

(For the record...I'm not one of them.)

Friday, May 05, 2006

Fantasia is the NEW Ann Jillian?

Fantasia is going to be playing herself in the new Lifetime TV movie based on her autobiography, "Life is Not A Fairy Tale," just like Ann Jillian did in "The Ann Jillian Story!"

Awesome, right?

BUT it gets better...the movie is going to be directed by Debbie F*ckin' Allen!

And Dwayne Wayne is going to be playing her dad!


My head just exploded.

Again.


For the full story, CLICK HERE.

judge jru is a giver

From time to time...I'm known to listen to non-Idol related music.

And from time to time, I feel the need to blog about it.

Tonight, is one of those times.


So here it goes...


Words cannot describe the joy I feel every time I hear Nelly Furtado's new Europe/UK only single, so I'm not even going to try describe the pop euphoria that is "Maneater."

Instead...I'll provide you with the video for the song:



The video is actually not nearly as good as I would like it to be. It deserves better. Nelly deserves better for that matter.

So...to make up for the lack of video goodness, I have provided you all with a link to a very special place where you can download the mp3 of this ridiculously catchy bit of musical goodness for yourself:

"Maneater" - Nelly Furtado



AND as an added bonus, here is the video for the song that Nelly is releasing in the US as her first single, "Promiscuous," off her upcoming album, "Loose."



This song is good...it's just not nearly as good as "Maneater" (but then again, I can't imagine anything coming close).


One last thing...because I'm such a giver...I'll also provide you all with an mp3 of this song to make your iPod even happier:

"Promiscuous" - Nelly Furtado




Please Enjoy!

And btw, if you don't like these bits...you have no pop soul.


OK. Fine. If you insist, I'll give you some Idol-related bit of something.

Here is the semi-new video for Carrie Underwood's latest single, "Don't Forget to Remember Me," where Carrie's REAL mom...plays her VIDEO mom.



Boring!

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Does this mean that Chris will grow those awful sideburns again?

This just in...


Next week, we get the songs of Elvis as the Idols will be tutored by industry giant Tommy Mottola at Graceland. I knew an Elvis night was coming since the same company that owns Elvis Presley Enterprises also owns 'Idol' (CKX).


Do you think we'll be treated to a Mrs. Tommy Mottola performance on the Wednesday night results show?

I don't know about you...but I certainly hope that disastrophe shows up at some point. That shit would be hawt for sure.


(Story via Faded Youth. Thanks Kristen!)

The Country Slut Strikes Again!

HATE.



HER.



LIKE.



POISON!


(Photos via Hollywood Rag)

The CD that judge jru is least likely to buy on his next trip to Amoeba Records...

I have a feeling I'm gonna pass on buying this one...



Leave it to the Idol producers to stretch the definition of "Encore" beyond it's physical limits.

CLICK HERE to find out who is singing what "Encore."


One more thing...

Am I the only one who forgot that Melissa McGhee even existed?

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Last Tango with Paris

WHAT JUDGE JRU LEARNED ABOUT AMERICA BY WATCHING THE ELEVENTH ELIMINATION EPISODE OF THE IDOL 5

America hates cute, little talented sixteen year olds with famous grandmothers.



Bye Paris!



We'll miss your squeakiness...a lot!



THE ONE THAT NEEDS TO BE CAREFUL NEXT WEEK
(aka: the other one in the bottom two)

Elliott.

Please be careful!

Kelly's New Song and 'do

Kelly is back to being a brunette...at least for now.



And the Clarkson has also got a new song that will be featured in a new Ford advertising campaign.


Check it out...

"Go!" - Kelly Clarkson


Pretty Sweet, eh?


(Story, Song Link, and Picture all via ONTD!)

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

I Heart my Gym

THE TOP 5 OF THE IDOL 5**

**There is a reason why I'm so late posting tonight. I was very busy...working out at the gym...next to Justin Timberlake. Seriously. I didn't talk to him. But he seemed verynice.


THEME #1 - SONGS FROM THE YEAR YOU WERE BORN


1) Elliott Yamin (Born in 1978. Sung "On Broadway," by George Benson) - Excuse Me. I'm going to be channeling Randy here for a second.

Damn dawg. That was hawt.

OK. Now I'm done.


2) Paris Bennett (Born in 1988. Sung "Kiss," by Prince) - Seriously...how did Miss Bennett turn one of the sexiest songs of all time into cute-sy and super-sweet? I feel like if I watched this performance over and over again...I would get diabetes.


3) Chris Daughtry (Born in 1979. Sung "Renegade," by Styx) - Did you ever wonder what Styx would sound like if the lead singer from FUEL took over? No?

Well...now we know.


4) Katharine McPhee (Born in 1984. Sung "Against All Odds," by Phil Collins) - Forced, yet sultry. And also about as flat as day old champagne.


5) Taylor Hicks (Born in 1976. Sung "Play that Funky Music," by Wild Cherry) - Manic. Again.


THEME #2 - SONGS ON THIS WEEK'S BILLBOARD CHARTS


1) Elliott Yamin ("Home," by Michael Buble) - As my faithful readers know, I'm a big fan of Michael Buble...I just love his whole Canadian Harry Connick Junior thing.

So good job Elliott. You picked a lovely song to sing. You did the Buble proud.


2) Paris Bennett ("Be Without You," by Mary J. Blige) - I have no idea how good or bad Paris was...because I was too distracted by Paris' ensemble. Silver lame capri pants? Really?

REALLY?


3) Chris Daughtry ("I Dare You," by Shinedown) - Why wasn't this dude on "Rock Star"? He could have won that shit.

JD Fortune has nothing on this dude.


4) Katharine McPhee ("Black Horse and Cherry Tree," by KT Tunstall) - No. No. No. No. No. You're not the one for me, McPhee.


5) Taylor Hicks ("Something," by the Beatles) - I didn't even make it through this entire performance. This bitch bugs me so much that he gives me indigestion.



judge jru votes

Did I mention I was too busy working out next to Justin Timberlake to vote???


judge jru predicts

Katharine and Elliott. I think.

Idol 5 Top 5 Playlist

Tonight on the Idol...

Each contestant will perform 2 songs. One will be a song that debuted during their birth year and the second must be a Top 10 Billboard hit.

Paris Bennett -- "Kiss" by Prince (Tom Jones in 1988 - Someone is pushing it...) and "Be Without You" by Mary J. Blige.

Katharine McPhee -- "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins and "Black Horse and Cherry Tree" by KT Tunstall

Taylor Hicks -- "Play that Funky Music" by Wild Cherry and "Something" by the Beatles (George Harrison wrote this one)

Elliot Yamin -- "On Broadway" by George Benson and "Home" by Micheal Buble

Chris Daughtry -- "Renegade" by Styx and "I Dare You" by Shinedown


(Big thanks to Kristen for hooking a boy up)

Monday, May 01, 2006

I'm really VERY tired

judge jru's review of the Coachella Music Festival 2006**

**
And before you start bitching that I'm getting all hipster and shit, scroll down...there's an Idol-related bit hidden in here!


SATURDAY


Wolfmother - Meh. It all sounds a little too White Stripes-lite for my taste.


Animal Collective - Weirdos.


Common - Very Godly.


Kanye West - Took his sweet ass time getting out onstage. I could smell his arrogance from where I sat.

Uh...No, thanks.


Imogen Heap - Daft. A total scatterbrain. Was racing around trying to get all of her computers and gadgets working right at the start of her set.

That said. She was magical.

I even forgave her for the garlands wound around her microphone stands...and the red feathers strewn about in her hair.

Also...in the middle of her set, the sister ru noticed a little somethin'-somethin' going on in the control booth area.



The Idol 4's Amanda Avila looked lovely. And as much as I hate to admit it, Josh Groban was totally dorky boy hot (Did I just say that? Really?).

The twosome did not appear to be on a date or together, but I could definitely sense a certain chemistry between them.

And Amanda, if you don't want him? I'll take him.

Wait...did I just say I'd take JOSH GROBAN? What's wrong with me?

I need to go on a date.

Soon.


Ladytron - Fine. I don't really remember them all that much. But then again, I only stayed for like two songs.


Franz Ferdinand - Awesome. Winner of judge jru's coveted "best band of the first day of the Coachella '06 extravaganza" Award.


Cat Power - Not as crazy as Paula Abdul, but then again...that's not saying much.


Depeche Mode - Fine. Serviceable. I'm just not into their new shit.



SUNDAY


The Dears - Blandly Canadian.


Mates of State - Cutesy.


James Blunt - Way better than I expected.

One of my favorite moments of the entire festival was watching hipster boys sway their heads to the Blunt.

That sh*t was hilarious.


Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - Rockin'...but I was very disappointed (but not all that surprised) when Mister Leo didn't rock out a la Clarkson.


Phoenix - Surprisingly awesome. I enjoyed the Phoenix just a smidge in my pre-Coachella '06 days.

But now, post-Coachella '06...I freakin' LOVE them.

Even if the lead singer may or may not have impregnated that chick who is responsible for "Lost in Translation."


Matisyahu - Many people told me that they enjoyed the Matisyahu.

I was not one of them.


Gnarls Barkley - When I was a child, I was a member of the International Wizard of Oz Club. A fact that I'm still not proud of (even though the Idol has put me back in touch with my inner dork).

OK, remember that bit of info...it'll come in handy in about a sentence.

Anyhow...I was very excited to see Gnarls Barkley. In fact, they were the band that I was most excited to see during my time at Coachella '06.

Needless to say that my anticipation for greatness was HUGE.

Could the band with the number one single in the UK live up to judge jru's very high standards?

Well...when the entire band came out dressed like characters from THE WIZARD OF OZ...um...I...uh...well, I nearly made a mess in my pants.



Seriously. Spectacular and Bizarre and wondrous. All at the same time.

Paul Oakenfold - Loud. Sweaty. Dance Dance. Goodness.


Madonna - I waited over an hour in the hot, sweaty, smelly, nasty Dance tent for six songs? Six Songs? And the only two non-'Confessions' songs were "Ray of Light" and "Everybody"?

That was seriously lame.

But even with all that bitchin', the fake British chick known to some as Esther was still pretty frickin' awesome.


The Go! Team - F*cking rocked the sh*t out of me.

In the midst of their kick ass performance, I decided that I'm no longer a homo.

Instead, I have decide to elope with the band's leader/singer, Ninja.



That's right. You heard me. I'm marrying NINJA.


Scissor Sisters - Even though I only stayed through three songs (I was trying to be a responsible adult by leaving the festival a half-hour before closing), the Sisters were simply fantastic.

* * *

And now, it's time for judge jru's story hour!


judge jru's story hour
Episode's Theme: Getting the f*ck out of Coachella before everyone else


It's post-Scissor Sisters. The sister ru and I are safely in my very dusty Toyota Camry. Trying to figure out how the f*ck to get out of the parking area at Coachella.

I try to drive over what looks like a small dip to the dirt road to drive out of the place. It's like a tiny dirt ledge.

Dirt ledge...more like a dirt shelf. My car got stuck on it. As in...the ground and the bottom of my car met. My wheels are spinning furiously every time I hit gas. I'm going nowhere.

Not only did my car got stuck, but another one did as well. Two cars down.

In between us and the other stuck car was a car that had totally stalled out.

At this point, I get out of my car and start asking anyone who looks official for help.

I go chat with the people guiding the cars out of the giant parking area. They tell me that cars get stuck every year in the same place.


In my head, I'm screaming THEN WHY DON'T YOU PUT UP CONES OR SOMETHING TO MARK IT OFF ASSFUCK????

In actuality, I don't say anything.


The sister ru calls AAA and they announce that tow truck is coming within 30 minutes. When I ask the parking guys how to get in...they say, YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL ALL OF THE CARS LEAVE...IN AN HOUR AND A HALF.

Seriously.

It was 11:55 pm at this point. And we still had over a two hour ride home.

Also I had to be at work at 8:30 am.

I start losing it.

The sister ru tries to calm me down.

Meanwhile, the two girls that I am giving a ride home to (my coworker's friends who I'd never met before that night) are off, chattering away on their cell phones. I'm convinced they are telling everyone they know just how bad a driver I am and how they can't believe that they got stuck in a car with biggest dork on the face of the planet.

I feel like the kid in seventh grade with the acid-wash jeans...who used to eat his tater tots alone in the cafeteria all over again.


BUT then...

"Tamara" (one of the cell phone girls) comes over to say that her boyfriend is coming to help push us off.

He comes with a friend. And then proceeds to recruit about five other guys just walking back to their cars. We all push the car.

And magically it becomes unstuck.


We then push the other stuck car.

Magic happens again.


The girlfriend of one of the very helpful guys announces: THAT WAS THE HOTTEST THING I'VE SEEN ALL NIGHT!

After I thank everyone profusely (including a very awkward man-hug-handshake thing with Tamara's VERYCUTE, VERYHELPFUL boyfriend), we drive off.

I get home at 3 am.


I'm at work now. Eating a very late lunch.

And just a few hours ago, I found out that I have to work late.

ugh.



THE END

Coachella Idol

So like thousands of other people living in the Southern California region, I went to the Coachella Valley Music Festival this weekend.

I just got home. And dudes, I might be more than a little tired. I will post a full review of all the goodness (and badness) that Coachella had to offer once I'm in a more coherent mental state.

But for now, here is just a little taste...



OK. I'm going to bed now.

Night night!