Friday, March 31, 2006

Hi...I'm Old!

Happy Birthday to me...and the Idol 2's very own Lashundra "Trenyce" Cobbins!!!

We miss you Trenyce!



Thursday, March 30, 2006

Mandisa - Don't be Hatin'!


Even if Mandisa doesn't agree with all of her "idol's" homo-hatin' philosophy...the fact of the matter is that she has endorsed this woman on her official Idol profile.

Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and opinions...but that doesn't mean I have to vote for them.

Mandisa, I know Jesus...Jesus is a friend of mine...and honey-child-sister-friend, you are not just like him.




Of Course She Did


America hates precociousness.

Buh-Bye Lisa!

We'll miss you like a canker sore!

(aka: the other two in the bottom three)

Ace and Katharine.



Tuesday, March 28, 2006



1) Lisa Tucker ("Because of You," by Kelly Clarkson) - Oy vey.

Gurrrrrl...What WERE you thinkin'??

worst. idol 5. performance. ever. (that includes the entire Brenna Gethers oeuvre)

2) Kellie Pickler ("Suds in the Bucket," by Sara Evans) - WOoOoOoOo Kristy Swanson and Debbie Gibson are in the audience!

Why is Kristy Swanson crying? Did Lloyd break up with her? Poor girl.

As for the country slut's performance...well, her cutesy apology to the judges for picking the wrong song doesn't make up for the fact that it was a wicked lame performance.

3) Ace Young ("Drops of Jupiter," by Train) - I cannot review Ace's actual performance due to the fact that he performed a song by a band that hate with...well...words cannot describe the hate I feel for Train.

Who writes songs about eggplant and caviar?


4) Taylor Hicks ("Trouble," by Ray LaMontagne) - Hate the collarless leather jacket. Hate the guy. Didn't hate the song, but then again...I didn't love it either.

5) Mandisa ("Shackles (Praise You)," by Mary Mary) - Remember how Mandisa was a semi-respectable up and coming Gospel artist before the show? Remember how she went on the Idol to expand her audience base? Singing a Christian R & B song is not the way to do it.

6) Chris Daughtry ("What If," by Creed) - Due to the fact that I hate Creed almost as much as I hate Train, I cannot judge Chris' performance either.

I think it was OK, but I'm not so sure.

And aren't you glad that Chris got that whole Johnny Cash/Live controversy out of the way?


7) Katharine McPhee ("The Voice Within," by Christina Aguilera) - Katharine's performance was totally eh.

Now that I've gotten that bit out of the way, can we talk about that ensemble?

Was it a leotard? Was it a blouse? Was it a costume from Dollywood?

I don't even think Katharine knows...

8) Bucky Covington ("Real Good Man," by Tim McGraw") - Cowboy hat + the weird long hair on top/shaved head on the sides combo = MegaTrashy

9) Paris Bennett ("Work It Out," by Beyonce) - Cutesy.

Paris is better than Solange...but Beyonce she ain't.

10) Elliott Yamin ("I Don't Want To Be," by Gavin DeGraw) - Strangely manic.

judge jru votes


And even then, only once.

Overall, it was a very disappointing week for the young Idol-ites.

judge jru predicts

Lisa is almost definitely a goner. But Ace or the country slut could be the spoilers.

Oh No She Didn't!

I just got the following text from my little sister (who's on the east coast):

"Oh no she f*ckin didnt. lisa just f*cked over because of u by kelly clarkson. lisa is so goin home."

G*d bless the littliest ru.

And how excited am I for "Songs for the 21st Century" Theme night?

Please let Mandisa sing "No More Drama."


Mario Vazquez - Take Two?

EW asks the question...

...and the answer is NO.

(Don't believe me? Take a listen to Mario's new song on MySpace. It's...uh...really..."great.")

Monday, March 27, 2006

Chicken Little & Kimmel...together again...for the first time

Why would I want to post a link to the video for "sweet, little" Kevin's appearance on the Kimmel?

Because I can.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Oh Ace!

So Aron Records is having a giant closing out sale...because well, no one can compete with Amoeba.

I was on my way to work Sunday afternoon and well...I got a little distracted.

I ended up spending fifteen dollars on like eight CDs...including "The Little Vampire" Soundtrack.

Before you judge me, you have to know that this particular CD only cost me a dollar-sixty.

As I previously posted, the ONLY reason why anyone would buy this hideous soundtrack (Aaron Carter covers "Iko Iko"? No thanks.) is that the Idol 5's very own Ace Young is featured.

Back in the early days of the Idol 5, I was only able to post a clip from AceYoung.Net...BUT now...thanks to the wonders of the internet...I can bring you the full song!

I have to warn you...the whole thing is a bit disappointing...much like Ace's performances on the Idol for the past couple of weeks...which I guess makes the whole bit very fitting.


Or not.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Chris Daughtry Isn't an Original? Get Out!

According to Michael K and the good folks over at Dlisted, Chris Daughtry's performance of "I Walk the Line" was direct ripoff of Live's performance of "I Walk the Line."

Click here to read the full story.

Here's thing about this whole bit...

Just last week, Chris made a direct reference to the fact that he chose "Higher Ground" as his song during Stevie Wonder song week...because he was familiar with the Red Hot Chilli Peppers version.

So um...I hate to say it...but...DUH! It ain't too hard to figure out why he chose "I Walk the Line"' this week, eh?

That Chris Daughtry is not only cute...but he's smart too! He knows...if it ain't broke...don't fix it!

'Tasia, May I Sleep With Danger?

Fantasia's autobiography, "Life is Not a Fairytale," is going to be turned into a made-for-Lifetime TV movie!

CLICK HERE to read all about it!

If 'Tasia isn't playing herself, I certainly hope it's Raven-Symone...or Zoe Saldana!

Because then that shit would be hawt!

Friday, March 24, 2006

Kellie Pickler's Prom : Extreme Whore Edition

I don't know what to do with this...

...I mean, REALLY? Why did Pickler have to raid the costume closet of "Aladdin - A Musical Spectacular" to find a prom dress?

I know Princess Jasmine. And are no Princess Jasmine!

(Pic via ONTD!)

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

The Sky is Falling!


America doesn't care for little boys that look like computer animated characters that dump their girlfriend just to garner more votes.

Bye Chicken Little!

We'll miss you!

OK...not really.

(aka: the other two in the bottom three that barely squeaked by)

No surprise here. It's Bucky and Lisa!

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

judge jru hearts Sweden

That blurry blob you see before you is the cute little Swedish singer/songwriter named Jose Gonzalez.

I saw him at the Jensen Rec Center in the ultra hip LA neighborhood known as Echo Park this evening.

I don't tend to like male singer/songwriters, because they are usually either too twee like Damien Rice or too pretty in a weird former British soldier but now I'm a sensitive man kind of way like James Blunt.

But dudes (and dude-ettes)...Jose is awesome!

How can you not love a Swedish hipster that has the balls to sing a Kylie Minogue cover?

OK...I know...what is all this non-Idol nonsense...right? the midst of trying to acquire our pre-purchased Jose tickets craziness, both the sister ru and I totally spaced about setting up the VCR to tape the Idol (ghetto I know, but my TiVo was verybusy with 'Scrubs').

Once I got home and realized the mistake, it was already 45 minutes into the latest two hour marathon edition of the Idol.

AND THEN, my online source for Idol episodes failed me!

So here I am...left to review the Idol for the first time...without the full show.

BUT thanks to the unbelievably quick'm going to be able to judge the first four contestants...although my judgment will be based on JUST the audio of their performances.

As for the rest, it'll be the same as it ever was.

So enough with the ridiculous explanation/plug for the Swedish hipster...on to tonight's episode of the Idol:

(Theme: 1950s night/Barry Manilow Helps Out)

1) Mandisa ("I Don't Hurt Anymore," by Dinah Washington) - Loved it. Loved everything about it. Thinking of being Mandisa for Halloween.

2) Bucky Covington ("Oh Boy," by Buddy Holly) - One of these 11 things is not like the other.

One of them just isn't the same.

I'll give you hint.

It's you, Bucky!

3) Paris Bennett ("Fever," by Peggy Lee) - You know what I said about Mandisa? Multiply that by two.

4) Chris Daughtry ("Walk the Line," by Johnny Cash) - Magically Chris managed to figure out a way to FUEL Johnny Cash.

And guess what?

It totally works!

5) Katharine McPhee ("Come Rain or Come Shine," by Ella Fitzgerald) - I enjoyed Katharine's performance almost as much as I love her new hair extensions.

6) Taylor Hicks ("I'll Fade Away," by Buddy Holly) - I don't care for the shiny suit with white sneakers combo. And I still don't care for Taylor's jerky performance style.

He still bugs.


7) Lisa Tucker ("Why Do Fools Fall in Love," by Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers) - Boring yet again!

I'd rather watch that terrible Halle Berry/Larenz Tate Frankie Lymon biopic of the same name than have to suffer through Lisa's overly precocious performance again.

Thank G-d my fast forward button still works.

8) Kevin Covais ("When I Fall in Love," by Nat King Cole)
- I give up. The lisping wonder known as Kevin Covais continues to defy all odds by sticking around week after week.

And so, I don't really care to comment on anything about the matter right now.

9) Elliott Yamin ("Teach Me Tonight," by Al Jarreau) - Good.

That's all I got for Mr. Yamin.

He was good.

10) Kellie Pickler ("Walking After Midnight," by Patsy Cline) - I'm done with the jeans/short dress combo bit that girls seem to like to do nowadays.

It's just FUGLY dude!

As for Kellie's performance, it was acceptable.

11) Ace Young ("In the Still of the Night," by the Five Satins) - Pretty Pretty're so lucky you are so pretty, because if you looked like Elliott...yo ass would be gone after that lameness.

judge jru pretends to vote

If I had gotten home in time, I would have voted for Mandisa, Paris, and Chris. Once each.

judge jru predicts

Bucky or Lisa. Most definitely.

I Don't Care What Andy Dehnart Has To Say...

...but Miss Paula isn't the most important judge on the Idol.

Anyone who uses "quietly confident" in a sentence cannot be taken taken seriously.



Monday, March 20, 2006

Miss Paula Got a Man!

That Dr.Phil...he's a miracle worker!

He fixed Miss Paula (even though the guy she wit' ain't the guy from the sho')!

Paula's new man is...

...the actor known as Tony Schiena.

Hi Tony!

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Gurrrl...what are you thinkin'?


What the heck were you doing on the 700 Club?

I know you are just like Jesus and all...and I respect that, but...

That show ain't no good!

Pat Robertson ain't a friend of anybody but himself!

(link via Cake and Ice Cream)

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Taylor Hicks to be sponsored by 'Just for Men'?

How can THIS STORY be considered news?

Even for Idol fans this story is just pushing the limit of how much Idol chatter one can take.

I don't understand how anyone could possibly write a story about the supposed rumor that Taylor MIGHT be dying his hair to a more youthful looking color!




It's such a non-story that even the most rabid Idol fans like myself are denying that this bit can be considered any kind of news.



It's not news until he definitely goes black.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Kellie Pickler is a dumb ho!

I just got the following email...

From: Kristen P.
Date: Mar 16, 2006 6:56 AM
Subject: Kellie Pickler Dating Constantine

New York Citys Radio Station 95.5WPLJ, announced today that Kellie Pickler is dating one of the top 12 of last season's American Idol, Constantine Maroulis. Apparently, Kellie told someone (whether it was a magazine or a reporter for a paper) that she had a HUGE crush on him. Constantine got wind of the story and asked Kellie out. The two have been dating ever since.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This loses my vote and RESPECT for Kellie.

* * *

Seriously Kellie?

How badly did your daddy mess you up that you have to make a go for the Smirking Menance?

Excuse me while I go take yet another scalding hot shower. For at least a couple of hours.

(Big thanks to Kristen for the email!)

Wednesday, March 15, 2006



America hates dumb girls with husky voices that make stupid mistakes.

Bye Melissa McMistake!

We won't miss your forgetful ass!

(aka: the other members of the bottom three this week that just squeaked by)

Lisa Tucker and Ace Young.


Kevin Covais...Heartbreaker?

According to this story, Kevin Covais dumped his high school sweetheart...just in the hopes of getting more votes during his time on the Idol.

How is it possible that a boy that looks exactly like a computer animated chicken got way more action than I ever did in high school?

It's at times like these that I wish I had God in my Kellie Pickler's dad...just to have someone to yell at.

Kellie Pickler's Daddy...

...has found God.

Just in case you care.

For the full story on Kellie's incarcerated father, click here.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Fuel-ing the Idol

THEME: Stevie Wonder Night

1) Ace Young ("Do I Do") - Just when I thought Ace couldn't be a more perfect man, he has to go and get all teary eyed over meeting Stevie Wonder.

How cute is that?

Seriously! He's too much.

I just won't mention the fact that Ace's performance was about as satisfying as "The Cutting Edge 2: Going For The Gold." And if you haven't seen that direct-to-TV/DVD picture, I have to admit that it's more than a little disappointing.

2) Kellie Pickler ("Blame It On The Sun") - Blonde. Bland. Bloring.

3) Elliott Yamin ("Knocks Me Off My Feet") - Serviceable.

4) Mandisa ("Don't Worry About a Thing") - Honey-child-sister-friend, my Mandisa performed barefoot tonight!

And gurrrl, she rocked the house in that Jennifer Holliday way that she do!

What is not to love?

5) Bucky Covington ("Superstition") - Yet another performance that is not worth talking about.

At all.

6) Melissa McGhee ("Lately") - I know a certain someone that has Kelly Clarkson skunk hair!

And I know a certain someone with Kelly Clarkson skunk hair that sucked gigantic donkey balls tonight!

7) Lisa Tucker ("Signed, Sealed, Delivered") - I hate to break it to you Lisa, because you seem like a really sweet girl...but no one cares. Especially when one wears a belt over a shirt in combination with a pleather shrug.

8) Kevin Covais ("Part Time Lover")
- When Stevie Wonder calls you "interesting" and "fun," you know that you got problems.

And in other news, I think I've discovered a new Idol equation...

9) Katharine McPhee ("Until You Come Back to Me")
- Just OK.


I know Kelly Clarkson, Mr. Cowell! And Katharine McPhee is no Kelly Clarkson!

10) Taylor Hicks ("Living for the City") - Fine.

I give up!

Taylor is fine! But I still hate him like poison.

11) Paris Bennett ("All I Do") - Joyful and Triumphant!

Hate the hair. Love the girl.

12) Chris Daughtry ("Higher Ground") - So I've got a question for y'all. What the heck is going on with Chris' eyebrows. Did he get into a fight with Nads for Men and lose?

As for Chris' performance, he "Fuel-d" it.

Now we know...when you mix Stevie Wonder with Red Hot Chili get FUEL.

What we should learn from all of this is when you mix Chris with ANY get FUEL.

judge jru votes

Paris. Paris. Paris. Paris. Mandisa. Paris. Paris. Paris. Paris. Mandisa.

judge jru predicts

Melissa McGhee? Bucky Covington? Kevin Covais? Kellie Pickler?

My best guess is Melissa McMistake.

Idol 5 Madness

Remember when the Idol was just that little reality show you watched ironically because Paula Abdul was going to judge other peoples' singing abilities?

Yeah, well...your baby is now all grows up.

Since the show has become an "American Institution" (or something like that), the Idol is getting it's very own pre-show on the TV Guide Channel (hosted by the Idol 2's Kimberly Caldwell and Popstars' Rosanna Tavarez).

Did I mention that the Idol also has an official post-show airing on Fox Reality? Every Thursday night?

I seriously don't have time for any of this!

Monday, March 13, 2006

Secrets of the Idol 5

WooOoOoOoOo secrets of the top 12 Idol 5 contestants revealed!

CLICK HERE to read all about Ace Young's fancy ringtone and Kellie Pickler's candy runs.

And as for me, I'm going to hell for everything I've ever said about the apperance of the following contestant:

"Elliott Yamin - Elliott's teeth are not exactly the model for a singer. But there's a medical reason why they're crooked. Elliott has diabetes, which can lead to crooked teeth. Elliott must wear a insulin pump to regulate his blood sugar levels."

I'm seriously the worst.

(Link via Just Jared)

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Baby V's Struggle!

Back before the fame, the lights, and her awkward interactions with Ryan Seacrest, Idol 4 finalist (and judge jru favorite), Vonzell Solomon, recorded a CD.

You can now hear a sample song snippet on her official (extremely cluttered) website or by clicking on the following link:

The snippet sounds very enjoyable for modern R & B...almost Latoya London-esque.

If you are a brave, trusting soul that can't wait to get their hands on any and all things Vonzell, you can buy the CD from Baby V's people on her official merchandise page.

I totally would buy the CD myself, but here's the thing...I'm going to resiste temptation and just hold-out until the official release of Vonzell's post-Idol CD. Th one that her site says is "currently being recorded on her independent record label, Melodic Records."

Saturday, March 11, 2006

They speak!

The Idol 5's Top 12 contestants were interviewed by the good folks at Entertainment Weekly!

to read all about how Taylor Hicks has discovered man makeup and how Elliot worries about not having the perfect "grill."

Friday, March 10, 2006

The Real Top 12 of the Idol 5

Here they are...

Based on my initial predictions, I only got 9 out of the top 12 right.

So whenever I try to predict anything...please feel free to ignore my inaccurate ass...1/4 of the time.

(Picture via Dlisted)

Thursday, March 09, 2006

America got it right...almost.


1) America hates women that eat chitlins.

Bye Kinnik!

2) American hates cute, young, slightly fey teenagers that look like John Mayer.

Bye William!

3) America hates tall female athletes that are imperfect perfectionists.

Bye Ayla!

4) America hates weirdos.

Bye Gedeon!

5) America loves long haired rockers that have a love/hate relationship with conditioner.

Hi Bo! Still hating that god awful song!

See ya later guys! We'll miss you! For a few days at least...

And Ayla? I'll miss you most of all!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

The Dudes Disappoint!


1) Gedeon 'I'm ALSO an Artist' McKinney ("When A Man Loves A Woman," by Percy Sledge) - Whenever Gedeon talks, I want to scream like a into my closet...and shut out the world.

And whenever Gedeon sings, I want to slap him. Hard.

Also...who he kiddin' singing about lovin' a woman?

2) Chris 'Receding Hairline' Daughtry ("Broken," by Seether) - Just. Plain. Hot.

3) Kevin 'Closet Rap Star' Covais ("Vincent," by Don McLean) - I love Kevin Covais, the person. I love everything he stands for. Except for the fact that I don't really fancy his vocal performances.

4) Bucky 'I have an Identical Twin Just Like Becky O'Donohue' Covington ("Wave on Wave," by Pat Green) - Just. Plain. Boring.

5) William 'I Speak Japanese' Makar ("How Sweet It Is," by James Taylor) - William seems like a very nice boy, so it pains me to say that this boy just doesn't have "it."

And by "it," I mean the ability to sing in a fashion that doesn't make me want to shoot my face off.

6) Taylor 'I Used To Scare Children At the Local Shopping Mall' Hicks ("Taking It To The Streets," by the Doobie Brothers) - When I don't look at him and he's singing, Taylor is actually pretty good. But then, when I look back at the teevee, my soul shrivels.

7) Elliot 'I'm Deaf In One Ear' Yamin ("Heaven," by Bryan Adams) - Is it wrong to admit that about halfway through Elliot's performance...I got all excited when I realized that he was singing the dance hit of 2002? I know. I know. Bryan Adams must be rolling over in his grave.

Now if only he was actually dead, then that last bit would make sense.

8) Ace 'Handyman' Young ("You Give Me Butterflies," by Michael Jackson) - A little dodgy.

judge jru votes

I voted for Chris once. And then I was done.

judge jru predicts

Kevin and Bucky?

Or William?

Or maybe...just maybe...we can say bub-bye to Gedeon?

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Last Call for Ladies Night!


1) Paris 'Princess P' Bennett ("Conga," by Gloria Estefan) - I'm not fan of the jeans & dress look. I was never a fan of the jeans & dress look. I will never be a fan of the jeans & dress look.

Nana Nesby, please don't put your granddaughter in anything that one of the Olsen twins would wear! No one wants that! Just like they don't want Kermit to appear in a Ford Escape Hybrid commercial!

So please make it stop!

As for Paris' performance, it was ayight.

2) Lisa 'Really, I'm a huge Jimi Hendrix fan' Tucker ("Where I Stand", by Tiffany Taylor)
- I've said it before and I'll say it again. Lisa Tucker is just a Diana DeNoNo clone...minus the dorky awkward charm.

No thanks. I really don't want to order that.

4) Melissa 'Boring!' McGhee ("What about Love", by Heart) - Eh. It was nice knowing you Melissa! Seeya!

3) Kinnik 'Pig Intestines are Delicious' Sky ("If I Ain't Got You", by Alicia Keys) - I don't know if y'all are aware...but Best Picture Oscar Winner "Crash" was not my favorite movie of the year. Any film that features Tony Danza as a subtly racist television executive just ain't for me. However, I do appreciate what the film was trying to say about race.

Unfortunately, Kinnik didn't see the picture (it's either that or she's a total idiot) she somehow thought it would be a great idea to reveal to America that she LOVES her chitlins!

Way to go Kinnik! You certainly know how to set a great example for your race!

Now if only there was a show that could fix all the wrong that Kinnik has wrought...

5) Katharine 'Definitely Not Leaving the Show' McPhee ("Think," by Aretha Franklin)
- Doesn't everyone just LOVE it when white girls try to be Aretha? Oh wait a minute...I don't.

6) Ayla 'Elvis Ain't My Daddy' Brown ("Unwritten", by Natasha Bedingfield) - I want to like Ayla. Really I do! But when she wears cargo capri pants and then starts doing deep squats onstage like she has to take a dump...well, I just can't be on that team.

7) Mandisa 'Thumbsucker' Hundley ("I'm Every Woman," by Chaka Khan) - As for Team Mandisa, well...that's a team I could/would/should be the captain of!

8) Kellie 'Minx' Pickler ("I'm the Only One," by Melissa Etheridge) - I'm in total agreement with Simon. If Carrie Underwood had even half of this girl's personality, Kelly Clarkson might have had to finally turn over her best Idol contestant ever trophy.

As it stands now, I'm enjoying Kellie's post-Idol banter much more than I'm enjoying her performances.

judge jru votes

I voted for my Mandisa a whole mess of times and then I voted for my lil' lady Paris twice.

judge jru predicts who ain't gonna make it

Kinnik and Melissa. It was nice knowing y'all!

Monday, March 06, 2006

Kelly Clarkson walks away...with judge jru's broken hopes and dreams

About a month ago, I was at home in out my disaster of a bedroom. In the midst of making one of my many trips to the garbage can, I noticed a strange man lurking outside of my house.

Before I could run and hide in the deep recesses of my house, he began to make his approach.

The man introduced himself and explained that he was a freelance location scout, searching for places to shoot an upcoming music video. He asked me if I might be interested in letting them film at my house (that I share with sister ru). I told him that I would be happy to show him around and let him take pictures to see if our place might work.

As I walked towards the front door, I casually asked the man if he could tell me who was the star of the music video.

"Kelly Clarkson."

It was at this point that the conversation turned into my best acting performance to date. Rather than jump up and down like a twelve year-old girl, I brought my new best friend into my house and let him take a tour of every room. He took plenty of pictures and said that he thought that this might be what his bosses are looking for. As he was finishing up, I casually told him that "we are fans of Kelly Clarkson in this house" and that would be happy to open up our house to her and her video crew.

I'm really am very subtle.

The man who was sent to me from the Idol gods on high thanked me for my time and informed me that if they were indeed interested in filming at our house...someone would be calling me in the next couple of days.

Unfortunately, I never heard from that strange little location man again.

So here it is...Kelly's brand new video for "Walk Away." It's quite a lovely video, but I can't help but wonder just how much lovelier it would be...if a part of it had been filmed at the house of ru.

Chris REALLY is the NEW Ace!

Not like this update means much of anything (it's a slow day in the world of the Idol)...but according to online oddsmakers, Chris Daughtry is now the new man to beat on the Idol 5.

Click here to read who's on top (Chris, Ace, Katharine) and who's a longshot (Kevin, Kinnik, Bucky).

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Good Day for Clay

According to the good people over at Dlisted, the whole Clay sex scandal is a sham!

CLICK HERE to read the full post.

Friday, March 03, 2006

My Burning Eyes!

Yes, that's Ryan Seacrest making out with a mysterious lady!

Excuse me, while I go take a scalding hot shower.

(Thanks to Doria for the pic!)

Flying the Friendly Skies with Miss Paula

It must be hard being Paula.

CLICK HERE to read all about Miss Abdul's latest run-in with the law.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

America is Smart!


1) America hates sass.

Bye Brenna!

2) America hates untalented blonde hos that try to sing Mariah Carey when they don't have the voice to carry it off.

Bye Heather!

3) America hates non-ginger crooners.

Bye David!

4) America hates bald-headed former boyband members with terrible facial hair.

Bye Sway!

5) America loves bland, blonde, boring girls that sing country songs about Jesus.

Bye Carrie! Now that you've made your obligatory post-Idol appearance...don't come back!

We'll miss you guys! least until next week!

Poor Clay is surely "aching"

Want more on the latest Clay Aiken sex scandal?


I would have posted the horrifying picture on here, except...well...I don't want to ever look at it again.

Also, I have to admit...I might actually be starting to feel sorry for the guy.

We get it people! Clay's a giant homo! And an internet slut!

The lesson that should be learned from all of this is that Idol contestants should be less like Anwar Robinson and more like the Verraros.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Chris is the NEW Ace


1) Taylor Hicks ("Easy," by the Commodores) - Taylor Hicks is SO southern that he isn't able to refer to a knit hat as a cap or a beanie. He has to go all "fancy" and call it a toboggan!

I has absolutely no idea that "toboggan" was a word used to describe anything other than a sled.

Thanks for the lesson in Southern culture Taylor! You're the best!

As for Taylor's actual performance, let me refer you back to FourFour. Yeah. That's all I got.

2) Elliot Yamin ("Moody's Mood for Love," by James Moody) - I honestly don't know how it happened, but I think I've turned into a big Elliot Yamin fan. I have a feeling it might have had a little something to do with Elliott's sick mother talking about getting all "verklempt," but it could also be attributed to the fact that Elliot made me enjoy a song that I'd only heard Queen Latifah perform.

What can I say, I'm just a sucker for musically inclined Jews...unless their name is Kenny G. And then I hate them like poison.

3) Ace Young ("If You're Not the One," by Daniel Bedingfield) - It's so comforting to know that Ace is so pretty, because if he had Scott Savol-face...I'd predict that he was going to get his ass sent home.

Then again...Scott stayed around a thousand weeks longer than he should have, so clearly I don't know what the heck I'm talking about.

Please feel free to ignore my lame-ass.

4) Gedeon McKinney ("Change is Going to Come," by Sam Cooke) - Gedeon is so aggressively pleasant and nice that he makes me very uneasy. In fact, he makes me so uncomfortable with his giant fake megawatt smile that I can't watch him.

I hope the awkward one doesn't last too much longer in this competition, because his very existence makes me want to shoot myself in the face.

5) Kevin Covais ("I Heard It Through The Grapevine," by Marvin Gaye) - The idea that Kevin Covais has become a sex symbol is something I just don't know how to address. So I'm not going to.

And as for the whole Kevin looks like Chicken Little bit, I'm pretty sure my friend Mandel said it first.

6) Jose "Sway" Penala ("Overjoyed," by Stevie Wonder) - Lame. And just not worth talking about.

7) William Makar ("Lady," by Kenny Rogers) - Just when I think I couldn't feel any older, William has to go off and talk about how he was only 12 when the Guarini was on the Idol.




Please excuse me. I think I just crapped my pants. The good news is that I have an excuse for that behavior, because apparently I'm old enough to wear Depends now.

8) Bucky Covington ("Thunder Rolls," by Garth Brooks) - Boring!

9) David Radford ("The Way You Look Tonight," by Frank Sinatra) - I've seen this show before. It's called "The John Stevens Show." And we all know how that story ends.

10) Chris Daughtry ("Hemorrhage," by Fuel) - I don't like Fuel. I've never liked Fuel. I don't care for their whole Nickelback bag o' rock bullcrap. But dude! Chris rawked the house with that song in a way that even Bo Bice couldn't.

judge jru votes

I voted for Chris more than a few times. And Ace once. And then I was done.

judge jru predicts

Sway. David. William. Bucky. Two out of those four are most definitely homeward bound.