Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Welcome to Hollywood!

judge jru's not-even-attempting-to-be-live blog of the first Hollywood episode of the Idol 5

8:00 pm - WooOoOoOoOOooooOoo Hollywood! Scary!

8:01 pm - Why are the Brittenum twins in the tease?

We all know how this story ends!

8:02 pm - Hi Kelly Pickler! Think the producers are trying to tell us something?

8:04 pm - Again with the tragic Kelly Pickler story. This girl's almost as tragic as Rudy Galindo! And if you know Rudy's story like the Ru's know Rudy, then you know that's saying somethin'!

8:05 pm - Gurrrrl, we all know that Kelly is sticking around!

8:06 pm - Patrick Hall is like a cuter, less gay Clay Aiken!

8:06.5 pm - Simon just told Patrick that he's "Clay Aiken, but likeable."

That's funny, because it's true!

8:11 pm - Oh look! It's the annoying cocky twosome of Ronnie "RJ" Norman and Steven David Junior.

No thanks!

8:13 pm - Oops! Both of them are going bye bye!

That's a shame.

8:14 pm - And now it's time for Star Search reject Lisa Tucker!

For some reason, I'm over Lisa. It's like they cloned Diana DeNoNo, made her African-American, and then...took away her awkwardly adorable charm.

Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

8:22 pm
- But as for Paris Bennett, I still loves her!



You go gurrl!

(Um..did I just say you go gurrl? What's wrong with me?)

8:24 pm - Grey haired Taylor Hicks is just a poor man's Joe Cocker...only OLDER.

8:25 pm - Garret Johnson (the little cowboy) is so unbelievably cute that I just don't know what to do with myself. And not in that annoying "look at me, I'm so cute"/Sarah Jessica Parker kind of way...Garrett is cuter than a pair of polar bear cubs playing in the snow.



Now if you are the curious type, you may ask "judge jru, why the F*** are you comparing Garrett to polar bear cubs?"

Well, young grasshopper...I googled "cute cuddly blog" and ended up with them.

I know...I'm GOOD.

(Please note the sarcastic italic above. I'm not that annoying. Swear.)

8:29 pm - You know this new show that FOX is trying to sell me, "Free Ride?"

Yeah, I'm not buying.

8:34 pm - Oh. No. She. Didn't.

Even though I'm sure Paris was totally fed the line by one of the Idol producers, I'm still lovin' the fact that this chick is teasing Simon for not having a star on the walk of fame...even though Ryan Seacrest has one.

8:35 pm - Dude, seriously? Are we really spending MORE time on the Brittenum twins?

That's it!

I'm making a promise to you all right now. I will not waste another second of your time on these two lame ducks...because we all gots better thangs to do.

8:44 pm - OK...I'm sorry y'all, but Ace Young is the NEW Justin Guarini.

WAY WAY too much cheese for my lactose intolerant digestive system.

8:48 pm - Oh look it's the Magic Castle!

I've been there!

8:50 pm - Hee haw! Garet made it to the next round!



8:54 pm - That's my Mandisa!



8:57 pm - Bye Dave Hoover!

We won't miss you!

3 Comments:

Blogger srah said...

Even at the point where they were making the decision (i.e. pre-car-thievery), if you have to keep a pair of twins, they should have kept the other set. Or rather, just the first one of the other set. The Brittenums have dumb voices.

Taylor Hicks' stage presence doesn't do it for me. He gyrates like Stevie Wonder and at one point he was crouched in such a way that I thought he was pooping on stage.

3:48 AM  
Blogger Mandel said...

YAY for the cowboy...And am I the only one who's wanting to see "Free Ride?"

8:43 AM  
Blogger Brent said...

I missed it last night. Damn it.

10:24 AM  

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