Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Two Hours of Man-Idol

THE TOP 12 BOYS OF THE IDOL 5


1) Patrick "Not As Pretty As Ace" Hall ('Come to My Window,' by Melissa Etheridge) - I love that in his intro segment, Patrick talked a BIG game about how this song was going to show Simon that he ain't Clay.

Dude, if you wanted to do that...then DON'T SING EXACTLY LIKE HIM!!!


2) David "Not John Stevens" Radford ('Crazy Little Thing Called Love,' by Queen) - David Radford seems like a very nice young man. But ouch man. That hurt!

And David, you can thank your dimples now...becuase they are the only thing that is keeping yo' ass on this show.


3) Bucky "Bo Bice - Country Edition" Covington ('Simple Man,' by Lynrd Skynyrd) - Bucky is good I guess for that type of thing that he does, but I don't like that type of thing that he does.

And can we talk about how COUNTRY his ass is? He makes Kellie Pickler look like Anna Wintour!


4) William "He's TOO Young" Makar ('I Want You Back,' by Jackson 5) - Let me just say this about William Makar. He is the Johnny Weir of the Idol 5.

Yeah...

I'm just going to leave it at that.


5) Jose "Why won't you SWAY away?" Penala ('Reasons,' by Earth Wind & Fire) -
Still hating him like poison!


6) Chris "I have weird facial hair" Daughtry ('Wanted - Dead or Alice,' by Bon Jovi) - Other than the distracting facial fuzz, Chris is one attractive dude. And talented! And he's a good stepfather too!

Forget Chris Noth. This is the Perfect Man!


7) Kevin "A Human Chicken Little" Covais ('One Last Cry,' by Brian McKnight) - Kevin is the boy that every girl loves...but when push comes to shove, this dude is going to grow up to be the 40 Year-Old Virgin.


8) Gedeon "American Idol" McKinney ('Shout,' by Lloyd Williams)
- I sat here for a good five minutes trying to come up with something funny, interesting, and/or insightful about Mister McKinney. And...uh...I still got nothing.

We all know that Gedeon is never ever going to win this thing, so let's not waste any more time and just move on.


9) Elliott "Karaoke King" Yamin ('If You Really Love Me,' by Stevie Wonder) - I don't know what it is about the boys, but I just don't care right now. This dude has a strong voice, but he ain't coming close to winning the Idol 5. Closer than Gedeon for sure...but still...that's not nearly close enough.

NEXT!


10) Bobby "How Did He Get On This Show?" Bennett ('Copacabana,' by Barry Manilow) - I fear for the men of America. How can this dude be one of the top 12 male singers in the country?


Also...

I recently came to discover the wonder that is Dianne (the chick that smells from MTV's "Fat Camp").

Hey Dianne?

I got a new boyfriend for you. And his name is Bobby Bennett.


11) Ace "Oh So Pretty" Young ('Father Figure,' by George Michael) - To answer your question Ace, YES. You can be my Daddy.

Sorry Father Ru!


12) Taylor "That Grey Haired Dude" Hicks ('Levon,' by Elton John) - Sister Ru enjoys the Taylor. She worries for the Taylor's psychological well-being, but still still enjoys the Taylor.

As for me?

Not so much.


judge jru votes

Surprising no one, I voted for Ace a whole mess of times. Then I voted for Chris like twice. And then, I was done.


judge jru predicts


Dianne's new boyfriend, Bobby Bennett, is definitely gone. And then, we're gonna end up saying bub-bye to either Gedeon, Sway, or Patrick Hall.


Good night and sweet dreams y'all!

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't believe that you missed commenting on Patricks "friends" the camera panned over in the audience. You might want to check your Tivo for a closer look. One is a drag queen and the other is an older man with foundation and blush on that looks as if he removed part of his drag makeup and wig but didn't get everything.

7:01 AM  

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