Thursday, February 16, 2006

Idol 5's Top 24

Due to the fact that I didn't spend quality time with TiVo recently, I did NOT see tonight's episode of the Idol.

I am in the midst of acquiring the episode as we speak, so I will continue my streak of seeing every episode of the Idol ever...but for now, thanks to the wonderful world of the internet, I can still give you the Top 24 of the Idol 5.

THE GIRLZ

1. Ayla Brown - I still can't get past the pug face.



2. Mandisa Hundley - Despite the fact that she is NO Frenchie...I still loves me some Mandisa. However, I'm ever so slightly worried that every song she sings comes out sounding like Gospel.



POST JUDGE JRU ACTUALLY WATCHING THE SHOW UPDATE: I love that Mandisa was able to forgive Simon for that "we're gonna need a bigger stage" comment. Although she had clearly practiced that bit for weeks, you could tell that she honestly meant every word. However, I'm a little uneasy about Mandisa playing the Jesus card during her speech, because...well...Mandisa is on a show that is on a network that has featured such programming as "The Littlest Groom," "Married by America," and "Paradise Hotel."

Mandisa...Honey?

I've got something to tell you...

Jesus doesn't watch FOX.

3. Becky O'Donohue - Becky's got total the Kimberly Caldwell voice/hootchiness factor.



4. Paris Bennett - Paris has got it all. She's got a voice that soars. She's cute as a button. AND her nana is world class singer.



She's gonna have to REALLY screw up over the next couple of weeks in order to not make the top 12.

5. Kellie Pickler - Kellie's just like Miss Paris. Only white. And sad.



6. Brenna "Bling Bling" Gethers - Miss Sassy Pants.

7. Melissa McGhee - Who this?

8. Lisa Tucker - I don't care what this girl does, because she will always be a Star Search reject to me. I know...I know...forgive and forget.



But here's the thing...I just can't.

9. Stephanie "Stevie" Scott - Who this? TAKE TWO.

10. Kinnik Sky - I'm sure Kinnik is verynice.

11. Heather Cox - Hey Becky? This bitch is trying to steal yo' Kimberly Caldwell fire! You better pull out some Nomi Malone/Showgirls-type shit on her if you want to stick around past week one of semi-finals.

12. Katharine McPhee - She bores me already...but only a little bit. OK, I finally watched this episode...and I've decided that I'm an idiot. I heart Miss McPhee, who is definitely a far cry away from boring.

* * *

THE GUYZ

1. Bucky Covington - Bucky is just like Bo Bice. Only country...and an even funnier first name. Any thoughts on what Bucky is short for? Bucknell? Buckbull? Buckbitch?

2. Sway Penala - I dunno about Sway. He had his chance in the sun.



If he can't make it in a boy band, what makes him think he can make it as solo artiste?

3. David Radford - I got nothing here...other the joke I made last night. Remember? The one about how David is just like John Stevens...only not ginger?



Yeah, I know. Lazy writing, but I barely remember this dude. So...I got nothing.

4. Chris Daughtry - Chris is also like the Bo Bice...but less hairy.



5. Gedeon McKinney - Who this? TAKE THREE.

6. Taylor Hicks - Just. Bugs.



Hardcore.

7. William Makar - Cute. Sweet. Talented. VERY young.



And much like Paris, he has to REALLY screw up in the next couple of weeks to NOT make the Top 12.

8. Robert "Bobby" Bennett, Jr. - Who This? TAKE FOUR.

9. Kevin Covais - Kevin Covais. Little. White. Different.



10. Patrick Hall - Watch yo' back Aiken! There is a new male power vocalist in town!



And even SIMON likes this guy!

11. Ace Young - I have a sneaking suspicion that most of Ace's talent lies in his general handsomeness. Not that there is anything wrong with that.



Ace will be able to coast by at least a couple of weeks before going bye-bye.

12. Elliot Yamin - This dude's got an awesome voice, but...a face made for radio.




It's official.

The Idol 5 has FINALLY begun.

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