Wednesday, March 16, 2005

The Grand Return of "the Juice"


1) Jessica Sierra - I'll shop around with Jessica for a new blazer...perhaps one that doesn't make her look like she is the neckless wonder?

2) Anwar Robinson - Why would you sing a song that was Tamyra's signature song? Tamyra Gray is a close personal friend of mine...and you, Sir, are NO Tamyra.

3) Mikalah Gordon - As an actual, honest to G-d son of a preacher man...I have to say Mikalah that you did not get my vote.

(also, the sister would like you to stop dressing like you are a thirty-five year old auditioning for "The Sopornos.")

4) Constantine Maroulis - I don't have time for you this week.

5) Lindsey Cardinale - When did Lindsey Cardinale turn into a Cher impersonator?

6) Anthony Fedorov - It's official. Anthony is the poor man's Clay Aiken.

7) Nadia Turner - Finally, someone I enjoy.

8) Bo Bice - What is this man doing on this show? Don't get me wrong, I think he's great...but it really feels like he wandered onto the wrong reality show.

9) Vonzell Solomon - Loving the glam-over Vonzell. It works on you ten times better than that LaShundra Cobbins chick.

10) Scott Savol - Why am I not in bed yet?

11) Carrie Underwood - I'm tired of Carrie bunting her way through this competition. When are you going to hit the home run we all know you are capable of Carrie???

(Why am I of all people making baseball metaphors? I don't even know for a RBI is!)

12) OJ "Nikko" Smith - Charles Grigsby is that you? When did you get glasses? Are you still working at the grocery store?


Nadia Turner, Bo Bice, and Vonzell Solomon


Lindsay Cardinale and the Juice...or perhaps Mikalah?

In other news, I found out that Amy Adams is preggers with her hot hot hot boyfriend's baby. Hi...i'm jealous of that bitch.


Blogger =w= said...

Maybe it's the fact that her chin is 10 inches long that makes her look neckless.. not the blazer.
Vonzell looks like a Miss America but she isn't very good or exciting. Simon was dead right about her, she needs to do something amazing soon or else people will forget to vote for her.
I think Anthony Federov, aka the bleached Clay Aiken, needs to go home this week. I really hope he does and also that Barbara Streisand impersonator aka Mikalah.

1:14 PM  

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