Thursday, March 31, 2005

That's just my Baby Daddy!

Another day...another Idol scandal.



That Scott Savol always seemed like such a fine upstanding young man...except for that whole creepy thin mustache thing.

UPDATE: It's confirmed. Scott will not be kicked off the Idol. It turns out that the producers and the good people over at Fox knew about Scott's little incident.

Happy Birthday to me...AND Trenyce!

It turns out that I share a birthday with the one and only Lashundra "Trenyce" Cobbins!



Happy Birthday Trenyce!

xo,
judge jru

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Avenue Idol

Words cannot describe that Ford Focus American Idol commercial that aired tonight...what was up with the giant puppets?

They looked suspiciously familiar to me.

No one really wants to see the human version of Constantine...much less the puppet version.

I think I'm gonna have another Constantine nightmare tonight...and this time he'll be made of felt.


Enough with the Muppet Show...on to the results:

THE ACTUAL BOTTOM THREE
  • Anwar "What's BlackPlanet.com?" Robinson
  • Jessica "I really should be wearing a scarf to hide the fact I have no neck" Sierra
  • Nadia "Yes...I am a Melissa Etheridge fan" Turner

And in the end...we said goodbye to Jessica Sierra.


The big sister is very upset by this turn of events and is threatening to boycott the Idol for the rest of the season. Although I'm pretty much convinced that Carrie Underwood has this whole thing wrapped up in a nice little country package, I'm still gonna keep watching...at least for now.

Is Anwar the new Verraros?

So according to AfterElton.com, Anwar Robinson was pretty much openly gay...until he made it onto the Idol and was forced back into the closet.

I love/hate the fact that American Idol is the only modern reality TV show where contestants' sexuality is hidden instead of flaunted.

As long as Anwar isn't forced into a faux relationship with Nadia Turner, I'm OK with Anwar letting his sub-par performances speak for themselves.


(Thanks to Trent over at PITNB for always keeping me so well informed)

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

How long until House is on?

THE TOP 10 OF THE IDOL 4
THEME: the 90s

1) Bo Bice - Why is Bo trying to do the whole wannabe Greg Allman thing? Doesn't he know what happened to Greg? He married Cher! And who wants that?

2) Jessica Sierra - Fine Leann Rimes imitation by Jessica. Nothing special though.

3) Anwar Robinson - Of all the songs that were released in the 90s...by all of the artists that performed in the 90s...why would Anwar, a music teacher for CHILDREN, choose a song originally sung by golden shower aficionado, R. Kelly, for a "family" show like the Idol???

4) Nadia Turner - Guess who is using the lesbian family and friends calling plan to muster up votes? That's right...Nadia Turner. Nothing says I need my lesbian brothers and sisters to band together more than a gritty rendition of Melissa Etheridge's "I'm The Only One."

5) Constantine Maroulis - And nothing say's I'm a grunge rocker like performing a Bonnie Raitt song...however, the big sister originally thought that Constantine was performing a Better Midler song. I would have paid to see that....especially if the Maroulis performed "From a Distance," because I could have personally accompanied him on the piano.

(FYI, I took piano lessons for eight years and the only song I can still remember how to play? "From a Distance," by Bette Midler)

6) Nikko Smith - Meet Nikko Smith, the long lost fifth member of Boyz II Men.

7) Anthony Fedorov - Anthony Fedorov without his glasses is like seeing Tom Selleck without his mustache or Cameron Diaz without the makeup. It's something that nobody wants to see.

8) Carrie Underwood - I enjoy the Underwood. I have nothing bad to say about the Underwood. So I'll leave the Underwood alone.

9) Scott Savol - The terrible pencil thin mustache is still there and it's driving me crazy! I feel like Scott is refusing to shave just to spite me and the 'stache haters of America.

10) Vonzell Solomon - I loves me some Vonzell. And I love Vonzell's family and friends even more.


JUDGE JRU VOTES

Vonzell, Vonzell, Vonzell


JUDGE JRU PREDICTS THE BOTTOM THREE

Nikko Smith, Scott Savol, and Anthony Fedorov

Springtime for Verraros

For some inexplicable reason, I am obsessed with Jim Verraros, the ONLY openly gay Idol finalist.

It's not like I think he's hot (he's not my type)...it's just that...uh...he's kind of like my own personal gay Paris Hilton (or Courtney Peldon). I get very excited when there is a spotting and I'm constantly clamoring to find out just what the heck he is going to do next in his ongoing quest to infiltrate the entertainment industry.



The latest on Jim is that his album, "Rollercoaster," drops on April 26th. There is already a bit of gay blog buzz building...and I have to admit the bits of the album I've heard are actually pretty catchy. I'm even tempted to pre-order it on Amazon (but I haven't yet).

Take a listen: "You Turn It On" - Jim Verraros


AND to top it all off, Jim's acting career is about to take off with the release of the gay indie film, "Eating Out."

(FYI, one of Jim's co-stars is Ryan Carnes, the hot new lawn boy that was caught frenching Bree Van De Kamp's punk-ass son on "Desperate Housewives.")

You can finally check out the trailer for the film here.

The film is already playing to packed crowds in San Francisco and will be released in LA, NYC, and Pasadena on April 8th.

Although the trailer doesn't give me much confidence in the overall quality of the film...I'll still be there opening weekend.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Fantasia's Badge of Honor

TIVO ALERT!!!

Fantasia Barrino is returning to American Idol on the April 6th results show to perform her latest single, "Baby Mama."

Homo Shame

Remember Will Young?



He was the guy that won the original Pop Idol in the UK...and then showed up at the Idol 1 finale, where he lisped his way through a horrid duet with the Clarkson.



(FYI, I used to have a lisp when I was younger...but thanks to a speech therapist, I don't anymore. I feel that this hardship qualifies me to make all the Will Young/Mariah Carey lisp jokes I want.)

Anyways, in the midst of my Sunday evening scan of the iTunes UK music store...I stumbled across a B-Side to one of Mr. Young's singles that is SO awesomely bad that it merits it's very own blog posting.

And here it is...Will Young singing Outkast's "Hey Ya" as if it were meant to be sung in some piano bar in SoHo on Open Mic Night:

"Hey Ya" (Live @ Radio 1) - Will Young

Hi...I have massive homo shame for this man.

We don't need this disastraphe on our team anymore. Does anyone wanna to trade?

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Merry Easter!



Happy Easter everyone!

Hope your baskets are full of sweet sweet candy.

xo,
judge jru & Frenchie


PS: Click here, to read all about how the popularity of 'American Idol-style' singing have forced Broadway "lose it's voice."

PPS: And while you're at it...you might want to click here, to read the latest about the Aiken's upcoming summer tour.

Friday, March 25, 2005

Insanity Becomes Her

Paula is no longer crazy cool...she's just crazy.


DIRECT FROM PAGE SIX:

"No Idol Moment for Paula"

March 25, 2005 -- "AMERICAN Idol" judge Paula Abdul had a meltdown in Malaysia, lashing out at a friend when she found out she might go to jail on a hit-and-run charge back home.

Abdul flew to Kuala Lumpur last Friday for the Force of Nature Tsunami Aid benefit as the guest of the King and Queen of Malaysia. She joined the likes of Lauryn Hill, Wyclef Jean, Jackie Chan, Bai Ling, Joey Fatone and the Black Eyed Peas. Abdul introduced Hill at a gala concert.

The next day, however, Abdul was at her suite at the Kuala Lumpur Ritz-Carlton when she learned that Los Angeles authorities planned to file a criminal charge against her for a hit-and-run incident she was involved in last December, which carries a maximum penalty of up to six months in jail.

Abdul was scheduled to have tea with the king and queen at the Malaysian Royal Palace on Saturday but refused to leave her bed, our source reports. A girlfriend who accompanied her on the trip told her she had to pull herself together and attend, since the royals were footing the bill. But when Abdul and her pal returned to the hotel, the pop star flipped out.

Abdul scratched her friend's face and the fracas was seen by a Ritz-Carlton staffer who entered the room. Before long, word of the fisticuffs spread among the other celebs staying at the hotel.

We're told that Abdul finally cooled off, but the next day, she flipped out again during her flight back to California with the friend. She threw a bracelet at her pal and screamed that the friend "owed her money" for a hamburger she'd consumed at the hotel.

Asked about our source's account, Abdul's representative, Joe DePlasco, told PAGE SIX's Jared Paul Stern: "She had a great time in Malaysia and enjoyed her visit to the palace. She was upset when she heard about the stories related to the accident, which was resolved. And she wasn't feeling well because of a bout with the flu. But that's about it."

The hit-and-run matter was settled in court yesterday when Abdul got off with paying for repairs to the other car and a fine.

In the December incident, Abdul was driving her Mercedes when she clipped another car and allegedly fled the scene. Her lawyer said Abdul was unaware any damage had been done at first but "immediately took full responsibility" when she found out otherwise.

judge jru is in the building

Due to the fact that I happen to be friends with some of the coolest kids in town, I finally lived out my dream of attending a live taping of the Idol...and I managed to do it without having to wait in that god awful line.


THE TOP TEN THINGS I LEARNED FROM STALKING RYAN SEACREST

1) Most American Idol fans are either crazy, twelve years old, or gay.

I was very happy that the sister was there to protect me from the wacky red-headed chick with the flower in her hair that was determined to get on TV no matter what.

2) The soundstage where American Idol is set isn't as big as it looks on the TV.

I was shocked to discover that the set is about as big as your average high school auditorium.

3) Constantine is by far the tallest contestant on the Idol.

It was a rather surprising revelation for me...but I still hate him.

4) Anthony Fedorov only uses the bottom two buttons of his shirt.

From forty feet away, I was finally able to see the charm of Anthony Fedorov...although I still maintain that he is the guy that you date for a couple of weeks, until you realize that he is only semi-good looking and outside of that whole medical miracle thing...he's kinda dull.

5) Mikalah's Mother's hairdo is a force of nature.

Seriously. You have to see it in person to truly comprehend it's stature.

6) There is absolutely, positively no gum chewing allowed on television.

If the ushers see you chewing gum, they will come over and make you spit it out into their hands.

7) There is an Ugly, Out-Of-Town Section of the Audience in the dark recesses of the studio

...and the sister and I were stuck smack dab in the middle of it.

8) If you are not a friend/family member of one of the contestants, there is only one way to get seated in the first few rows: you have to dress like Paris Hilton.

So not hot.

9) Jessica Sierra cries at the drop of the hat.

She started crying a good ten minutes before the end of the show.

10) The contestant that gets kicked off the Idol is informed of that fact a good five minutes before Ryan Seacrest tells the rest of America.

During the final commercial break, the puffy jacket lady (aka: the director/producer) pulled Mikalah aside. Nadia was left onstage looking confident. When Mikalah returned to center stage, she had tears in her eyes and everyone rushed over to give her a hug.


I also came to the realization that FOUR of the top 10 contestants sound even better live than they do on the TV. They are: Carrie Underwood, Vonzell Solomon, Jessica Sierra, and Bo Bice. I will be a very happy homo, if these guys ended up being the top four for the Idol 4.


Anyways...on to the results...

THE ACTUAL BOTTOM THREE

  • Anthony "Miracle" Fedorov
  • Nadia "Mohawk" Turner
  • Mikalah "My Mom is in need of an Extreme Makeover" Gordon

And in the end...we said bub-bye to Mikalah Gordon.



The thing I'm gonna miss most about Mikalah?

Her mom and her fabulous hair-don't...of course.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

How to love a mohawk...

Since the Idol gods that be have determined that the voting from Tuesday night is null and void, I have decided that I am going to pretend like that episode didn't happen. I'm going to judge tonight's episode as if it was the only one that aired.


* * *

THE TOP 11 OF THE IDOL 4 - REDUX

1) Anthony Fedorov - A lot of my gays love this boy. As for me? Not so much.

2) Carrie Underwood - Big hair. Big voice. But my reaction to this performance? Not so big.

3) Scott Savol - Congratulations Scott! You've grown a mustache smaller and creepier than John Waters.

4) Bo Bice - Bo Bice biffs.

5) Nikko Smith - Who sheds their overcoat for dramatic effect in the middle of a song anymore? It turns out that Nikko was born a few decades late.

6) Vonzell Solomon - Vonzell sang one of my all time favorite songs ("Best of My Love," by The Emotions). And I love her for it.

7) Constantine Maroulis - Open Letter to the Hated One:

Dear Constantine,

Why must you hold the microphone like a hot dog?

Hating You,
judge jru

8) Nadia Turner - Even though I watched Nadia's performance twice, I still have no idea how well she performed. I was too in love with her Mohawk.

I have one question though...why was the Mohawk for Mario? Wasn't Mario all about the hats? Is it because he is allegedly dating that hair stylist? We are ties of the lies, Nadia! We want answers! Not more questions!

9) Mikalah Gordon - I have nothing left to say about this disastrophe.

10) Anwar Robinson - How does an African-American MUSIC teacher have absolutely, positively no rhythm whatsover???

QUESTION FOR ANWAR, THE WISE: How does one "holistically" look at oneself? And how can I learn?

11) Jessica Sierra - The Neckless Wonder doesn't know how to dress, but she does know how to sing. And that's what makes me love her.


JRU VOTES

I voted a whole mess of times for Jessica AND Vonzell .

JRU PREDICTS THE BOTTOM THREE

Mikalah Gordon, Scott Savol, and Nadia Turner

Insert lame Florida joke here

As it turns out...last night's episode (which I still haven't seen) contained one of the biggest screw-ups in Idol history.

In case you haven't heard, during last night's show...the genius producers of the Idol displayed the wrong call-in numbers for three of the contestants. Voters who called the numbers listed for Anwar Robinson, Mikalah Gordon, or Jessica Sierra inadvertently registered support instead for Anthony Fedorov, Carrie Underwood, or Scott Savol.

Oops.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Rain Delay

Due to a work deadline (that could not be renegotiated by Clay/Mario's lawyer)...judge jru's weekly review of the Tuesday night Idol show will not be posted until Wednesday evening.

There Something About Ruben's Godfather

Idol 2 winner Ruben Studdard is so dull, that even when a moderately juicy story like this one comes along...I can't be bothered to even finish the article.

Why am I not asleep yet?

Why I don't have a boyfriend...



...because there are homos in the world that believe that this woman should continue to be in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Idol.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

worst. video. ever.

Poor Poor Diana DeNoNo...



Her record company has such little faith in the perky songstress that they slapped together a video for her single, "Emotional," using B-Roll from photo shoots and a single camera set-up of her singing into a fake microphone.

Check it out here:

Diana DeGarmo's "Emotional" Video -- Quicktime / Real / Windows Media

I'm sure this crap-ass video gave Diana plenty to sing about.


DIANA DEGARMO UPDATE: After a tough couple of months, Diana finally has a reason to act like Kathy Lee Gifford on anti-depressants.

She has a new song featured on the soundtrack to the best damn movie about ice skating since "The Cutting Edge."



"Reachin' for Heaven" - Diana DeGarmo


It's not exactly the best song ever, but at least she's not singing a Stevie Wonder song in an unflattering red onesie.

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Mario Vazquez : The Massive Tool

Unfortunately, I'm not talking about the good kind of tool.

How can Mario already be bitching about how hard it is to be a celebrity?

Who does he think he is? Chelsea Clinton?

(Story via Trent, via Stereogum)


YET ANOTHER MARIO UPDATE: Mario unsuccessfully attempts to deny the vicious rumor that he is dating a hairdresser!!!

Friday, March 18, 2005

Paula's Latest Hit

BREAKING NEWS



"Prosecutors are considering whether to file criminal charges against singer Paula Abdul for an alleged hit-and-run freeway accident last December, officials said Thursday."

For the full story, click here.


Paula may be the new Halle Berry...but let's look on the bright side, at least she's not the new Rebecca Gayheart.

(Thanks to the one and only Zak for this link, as well as the Halle Berry reference)

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Not-So-Super Mario

MARIO VAZQUEZ UPDATE

It looks like Mario's "private reasons" for leaving the Idol are purely contractual.

Mr. Vazquez hired the Aiken's lawyer a while back to get him out of the Idol's slavery contract.

Hi...that's super boring!

However, I do take joy in the fact that there is only one degree of seperation between the Aiken and the Vazquez. Maybe they'll become lovers and star in the homo musical, "From Mario to Clay."

Then again maybe they shouldn't...

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

I Know Why A Cardinale Sings

Tonight on the Idol, Seacrest announced the first "Bottom Three" of the Idol 4.

They were:
  • Jessica "the Neckless Wonder" Sierra
  • Lindsay "I'm not Julia DeMato" Cardinale
  • Mikalah "My Mom's Flat Chested" Gordon
In the end, it was Miss Cardinale that was sent packing "Ejay Day style," as the Top 12 turned into the Top 11.



And in other news, it turns out that Mario Vazquez may be a "rice queen."

American Apple

WARNING: NON-AMERICAN IDOL RELATED ENTRY!!!

Sub-CD quality mp3s of Fiona Apple's long delayed third album, "Extraordinary Machine," have been leaked onto the wonderful world of the internet.

My current favorite is: "Better Version of Me" - Fiona Apple

Check the ENTIRE album out here.

What's wrong with those stupid record execs over at Sony??? How dare they release an album as crappy as J-Ho's latest, while leaving this genius CD hiding in some dark closet next to the "From Justin to Kelly" Soundtrack masters!!!

The Grand Return of "the Juice"

AMERICAN IDOL 4 TOP TWELVE

1) Jessica Sierra - I'll shop around with Jessica for a new blazer...perhaps one that doesn't make her look like she is the neckless wonder?

2) Anwar Robinson - Why would you sing a song that was Tamyra's signature song? Tamyra Gray is a close personal friend of mine...and you, Sir, are NO Tamyra.

3) Mikalah Gordon - As an actual, honest to G-d son of a preacher man...I have to say Mikalah that you did not get my vote.

(also, the sister would like you to stop dressing like you are a thirty-five year old auditioning for "The Sopornos.")

4) Constantine Maroulis - I don't have time for you this week.

5) Lindsey Cardinale - When did Lindsey Cardinale turn into a Cher impersonator?

6) Anthony Fedorov - It's official. Anthony is the poor man's Clay Aiken.

7) Nadia Turner - Finally, someone I enjoy.

8) Bo Bice - What is this man doing on this show? Don't get me wrong, I think he's great...but it really feels like he wandered onto the wrong reality show.

9) Vonzell Solomon - Loving the glam-over Vonzell. It works on you ten times better than that LaShundra Cobbins chick.

10) Scott Savol - Why am I not in bed yet?

11) Carrie Underwood - I'm tired of Carrie bunting her way through this competition. When are you going to hit the home run we all know you are capable of Carrie???

(Why am I of all people making baseball metaphors? I don't even know for a RBI is!)

12) OJ "Nikko" Smith - Charles Grigsby is that you? When did you get glasses? Are you still working at the grocery store?


JUDGE JRU VOTES

Nadia Turner, Bo Bice, and Vonzell Solomon

JUDGE JRU PREDICTS THE BOTTOM TWO

Lindsay Cardinale and the Juice...or perhaps Mikalah?


In other news, I found out that Amy Adams is preggers with her hot hot hot boyfriend's baby. Hi...i'm jealous of that bitch.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

worst. Idol finalist. ever.

Guess who was on elimiDATE?



Click here to see video...if you dare.

The revelation that this poser appeared on one of the trashiest shows on television in leather pants does not surprise me in the least...but just in case you didn't get the memo, I'm making it official:

I, judge jru, HEREBY proclaim that Constantine Maroulis is the WORST Idol finalist ever.

Mother Clay

Awww...Clay cares.



Doesn't it just warm the cockles of your heart?

And while we are on the subject, how the heck did I miss the Aiken's crowning as 'U.S. Fund for UNICEF National Ambassador'?

I'm sure it was a very lovely, tasteful ceremony.

Monday, March 14, 2005

UPDATE: Ada Vazquez speaks!

"Look at me, I'm fine, I'm still kicking," Ada Vazquez (Mario Vazquez's mother) told The NY Post. "I don't know [Mario's] reasons, but whatever they are, I respect him for it and will be very supportive...I feel so hurt. Maybe it's something Simon did. We are always blaming Simon."

Talk about things that make you go hmmm...eh?


UPDATE TO THE UPDATE: Mario Speaks!

YET ANOTHER UPDATE: Mario sang backup on a Michael Jackson track??? Hi...that's creepy!

Finding Fabi-Bo?

So it should come as no surprise to loyal Idol fans that Bo Bice was in a band called: Sugar Money

And this band 'Sugar Money' still has their website up and running, even though their frontman is off "singing cover tunes on that big shiny stage with the house band."

There are many juicy tidbits to uncover on this very informative website, including this rather blurry picture of Bo...shirtless.



I'm starting to think that perhaps Ryan, Constantine, and Bo should have all auditioned for 'Mr. Romance' instead of the Idol.

"Personal Reasons" = Skeletons in the Closet?

BREAKING IDOL 4 NEWS

MARIO 'THE CUTE ONE' VAZQUEZ DROPS OUT OF THE IDOL 4 FOR "PERSONAL REASONS"



I can't wait to find out what the heck happened. Is it internet porn? An arrest record? Or just general stupidity?


Well, the good news is that OJ 'Nikko' Smith is back in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Idol. I kind of enjoy 'the Juice,' so I can't say I'm all that disappointed that the Vazquez is gone.

(Big thanks to Zak for this exciting new Idol 4 development)

It's Already Been Broughten

Oh Nadia...

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Constantine Hearts the Guarini

Congratulations Constantine. You managed to turn something that was actually kind of funny into something totally snarky and annoying.



I'm gonna go take a shower. Looking at this picture makes me feel unclean.

The Ghost of Ruben Studdard

So according to yet another online oddsmaker, Anwar Robinson is now favored to win the Idol 4.



I know I should like Anwar. He seems perfectly nice and has a pleasant voice, but Mr. Robinson just has that whole "I'm so nice that I'm excruciatingly dull" thing going on that makes me want to change the channel to the Oxygen Network to see what that wacky Sue Johanson is going to say next.

Friday, March 11, 2005

Nightmare on Seacrest Avenue

I can't believe it's possible, but a picture has come to my attention that is even more disturbing than the one of Constantine without his shirt on.



AHHHHHHHHHH!

(picture via Trent)

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Covering Kelly

There is a mp3 floating around the internet that is a must download.

Ted Leo (of 'Ted Leo & the Pharmacists' fame) covers Kelly Clarkson's smash hit "Since U Been Gone" in an genius acoustic medley with the Yeah Yeah Yeah's "Maps."

So go on...go download: Ted Leo - "Since U Been Gone/Maps"

DO IT NOW!

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

The Top 12 of the Idol 4 -- REVEALED!

So after yet another tedious half-hour, we finally got to see who we have to listen to for the next eleven weeks (maybe more, if Dr. House and his team of trusty residents can come up with a dangerous, but brilliant idea during their next dry-erase board session).

OK, that will be last HOUSE joke of the season. Pinkie Swear.


So here they are...

THE TOP TWELVE OF THE IDOL 4



1) Carrie Underwood - Duh.

2) Nadia Turner - Of course.

3) Vonzell Solomon - That makes me feel all warm on the inside.

4) Lindsay Cardinale - Um...whatever you say Ryan.

5) Jessica Sierra - Thank G-d.

6) Mikalah Gordon - Well...at least it's not Janay or that boring Las Vegas showgirl.

7) Anthony Fedorov - Tween girls LOVE a boy with a trach scar.

8) Mario Vazquez - What a shocker! A mildly talented cute boy makes it to the top twelve!

9) Anwar Robinson - Boring!

10) Bo Bice - Awesome.

11) Constantine Maroulis - Not so Awesome.

(btw, Constantine...were you wearing that Justin Guarini shirt under your leather jacket for me? Pandering with the Guarini may work for the rest of America, but it doesn't work for judge jru. I still think you are about as appealing as Paris Hilton's vagina.)

12) Scott Savol - How dare you take Nikko Smith's place! You best watch your back. His real nickname ain't "OJ" for nothing.


JUDGE JRU PREDICTS : THE RESULTS SHOW

jru's predictions of the bottom four: Janay Castine, Amanda Avila, Travis Tucker, and Scott Savol

the real bottom four: Janay Castine, Amanda Avila, Travis Tucker, and Nikko Smith


Three out of four. Now that's not too shabby.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

The Age of Aquarius II : The Wrath of Cowell

THE TOP EIGHT LADIES OF THE IDOL 4

1) Amanda Avila (Gemini) - Apparently, Wild Shania Twains CAN be broken.

2) Janay Castine (Libra) - Janay has only been on the Idol for a few weeks and she already looks like Whitney...the later years. Didn't anyone tell you, Janay? Crack is whack.

And while we are on the topic of Janay...exactly what "Janay Castine fan base" was Miss Paula referring to? The same one that voted AJ Gil, Charles Grigsby, and Matt Rogers through?

3) Carrie Underwood (Pisces) - I want to LOVE Carrie. Really, I do. But truth be told...I am kinda underwhelmed by the Underwood.

4) Vonzell Solomon (Pisces) - When I saw the bejeweled cowboy hat and denim shrug, I was worried that my Vonzell was going to fall flat on her country ass...but she brought it and all was right in the world.

5) Nadia Turner (Capricorn) - Fan of the lady. Not a fan of the tutu.

6) Lindsey Cardinale (Aquarius) - Eh.

7) Mikalah Gordon (Capricorn) - Somehow...Somewhere...Someday...Mikalah will be out on the Florida casino circuit performing in her very own one woman show, entitled "Mikalah with a K." Trust me. The gays and the old people are gonna love it.

8) Jessica Sierra (Scorpio) - If Kimberly Caldwell was talented, she would be Jessica Sierra.


JRU PREDICTS THE BOTTOM TWO

Amanda Avila and Janay Castine??? Pretty Please!!!

(Although if Lindsey Cardinale got kicked off I wouldn't object.)

Monday, March 07, 2005

The Age of Aquarius

THE TOP 8 GUYS OF THE IDOL 4

1) Scott Savol (Taurus) - Someone didn't take the bull by the horns this week. I'm still unsure as to why he pulled his lightly tinted sunglasses off for all of two seconds in the middle of his performance, perhaps a bit of the pink eye is going around?

2) Bo Bice (Scorpio) - Bo the Pacifist performed an Idol fave, "I'll Be" by that Fatty McFatty known as Edwin McCain. A question to ponder for the ages, what exactly is a "love suicide?" Suicide is only romantic when it involves Lil' Leo DiCaprio.

And Bo...you lost me at "I'm a BIG fan of Edwin McCain."

3) Anthony Fedorov (Taurus) - Anthony "Wiggles" Fedorov : Gay or European?

4) OJ "Nikko" Smith (Yet Another Taurus) - I enjoy OJ. It tastes delicious.

5) Travis Tucker (Aries) - Travis is an Aries...like me! That means he IS the ONE...as long as he stops dressing like a chimney sweep.

6) Mario Vazquez (Gemini) - If Justin Timberlake and Howie from the Backstreet Boys could have a test tube baby, it's name would be Mario Vazquez (aka: the long lost sixth member of O-Town).

7) Constantine Maroulis (Virgo) - In protest of his general existence, I will no longer comment on the poor man's Bo Bice.

8) Anwar Robinson (Taurus...Four ) - Anwar...I've found your father. And he's the black Depak Chopra. (Look who else my spiritual guide led me to--Mama Anwar!)


JRU PREDICTS THE BOTTOM TWO

Constantine must go...but I fear that Travis Tucker and Scott Savol will go bye-bye instead.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Wendy Pepper 2: Armed & Not So Fabulous

WARNING: NON-AMERICAN IDOL RELATED POST

I F-ing hate that Wendy Pepper!!!



Is anyone honestly dumb enough to buy her crap clothing?

(Thanks to Trent and his magical blog for this link)

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Ms. Kathy Griffin-Aiken?



I know...I know...no one wants to believe that the red-headed chick from "Suddenly Susan" is the coolest comedian ever.



But guess what?



She is.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Auf wiedersehen!

This week's results are in...



Goodbye Celena!

Goodbye David!

Goodbye Joseph!

Aloha Aloha!


In other AI-related news, I finally got around to watching that "reality star" episode of Fear Factor. I have to admit...I kind of was rooting for Stripper McKibbin. There is something strangely endearing about that little red-headed sprite.

Four Questions

Why does Tyra insist on calling each new season of ANTM "cycles"???




Why can't the Idol do promo photos as fierce as this???


When did I work "Fierce" into my blogging vocabulary???


And why can't I still be in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Model???

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Whaddup with Paula's hair?

TOP 10 LADIES OF THE IDOL 4

1) Aloha Mischeaux - Why does Aloha insist on wearing a flower every week? Doesn't she know that any correlation to that Idol 3 ho Jasmine Trias is a BAD thang?

2) Lindsay Cardinale - I miss Julia DeMato.

3) Jessica Sierra - Property Livin' Jessica has to stop fellating the microphone. This is a family show! (One other thing, white jeans should not be worn before OR after Labor Day.)

4) Mikalah Gordon - Hi, I think Mikalah Gordon has a penis. She would fit right in with one of those sad ass Fran Drescher wannabe drag queens trolling for tricks and Eddie Murphy on Santa Monica Boulevard.

5) Celena Rae - You know someone is bad when you obsess about her fringe earrings more than her off-key performance.

6) Nadia Turner - I thought Justin Guarini was great tonight.

7) Amanda Avila - Twenty minutes after Amanda's performance, I still can't come up with anything interesting to say about her. Is House on yet?

8) Janay Castine - Oops! Someone looks like a broke Christina Milian!

9) Carrie Underwood - It literally took me over half of Carrie's performance to realize what song she was singing ("Piece of my Heart"). I'm still not sure whether it's a good or bad thing.

10) Vonzell Solomon - Vonzell, Vonzell, Vonzell...I'm disappointed in you.


JRU PREDICTS THE BOTTOM TWO LADIES

Janay Castine and Celena Rae

Maybe Amanda Avila? (if God loves me more than he loves her)