Wednesday, February 09, 2005

You're Going to Hollywood!

judge jru's recap of the first "American Idol boot camp" episode of the Idol 4

8:01pm--Somehow the fact that Mary Roche hasn't been crowned the new William Hung makes me feel like America has come a long way since the red state election disaster of 2004.

8:02pm--I still hate those Molfetta twins...even if there is only one of them left. Why do I continue to put myself through this torture?

8:05pm--Oh wait...there is Carrie Underwood. I do enjoy her. Her country girl schtick is a bit tired.

8:05.5pm--Forget what I just said...Carrie Underwood just brought us the BEST BIT OF AMERICAN IDOL BANTER EVER!!!

Below is a semi-accurate transcription of what just transpired:

RYAN SEACREST: A lot of people take pictures of the sidewalk, the stars.
RYAN: The take picture of the trees.
CARRIE: Palm trees.
RYAN: Any of the stars? Have you see any of the stars?
CARRIE: It's been pretty cloudy.

8:09pm--Anthony "Tracheotomy" Fedorov is a cuter version of Clay Aiken with a more interesting medical history. Do you think HOUSE could have helped him?

8:11pm--No American Idol tour of LA is complete without a trip to..."The Grove!"

8:12pm--Poor Shunta...struck with an unfortunate name and stuck in an unforunate situation (she accidently got on the the bus to the Grove instead of the bus to auditions).

8:16pm--Rashida Johnson lost her voice yet somehow manages to shake it off and make it to the next round. It's an American Idol miracle! Just like Anthony Federov!

8:17pm--That poor Shunta...still stuck at the Grove.

8:18pm--Lindsay Cardinale seems pretty good...even if she looks a little too much like Julia DeMato for my taste.

8:21pm--Oh boy...the Molfetta is back. He is so SMARMY it hurts my insides.

8:22pm--Thank GOD the Molfetta is gone!

8:23pm--Shunta is STILL on her way back from the Grove. If only Jack Bauer was her taxi driver...then we could have watched her race to downtown LA in "real time."

8:28pm--Jeff the preacher doesn't make it to the next round. It's official: Simon, Randy, and Paula hate Jesus!

8:29pm--Shunta finally arrives at the Orpheum theater...

8:30pm--...and makes it to the next round!

8:31pm--The sold-my-wedding-ring girl Regina Brooks lost 40 pounds since her first audition!!! Hi...she REALLY wants to be on the Idol.

8:33pm--And after all that...Regina doesn't make it. Congratualations American Idol producers! Once again you've wasted my time, making care about someone that I'm not going to remember by the time we get to Motown week.

8:39pm--Farmboy Patrick Norman bugs.

8:40pm--Francisco Torres carries around a sweat towel. Just like Whitney!

8:43pm--How did Tour Group #2 get to go see "the OC" soundstage while Tour Group #1 only got The Grove??? If I was in Tour Group #1, I would demmand to get a chance to scribble something down on House's dry erase board before I let myself continue to be in the running towards becoming America's Next Top American Idol.

8:49pm--Constantine is back. Hi, I'm super bored by the whole rocker thing.

8:51pm--Blue-haired Briana is out...and that makes me sad. She was the cutest goth ever!

8:52pm--Mikalah Gordon (aka: I wanna buy my mom boob implants girl) is super crazy. She is the most aggressively cheerful person I've ever not met.

8:57pm--Single Mom Marlea decides to leave on her own accord. Bully for her!

8:58pm--My woman Jennifer Todd makes it to the next round!!!

8:59pm--Only 97 people left! Is there a Kelly or Fantasia among them? Or will we be stuck with another Ruben?

Tomorrow night is the group performance bit. Here's to hoping that there will be at least one Frenchie/Kimberly Locke worthy performance and a whole mess of Julia DeMato/Kimberly Caldwell fiascos!


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8:23 AM  

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