Monday, January 31, 2005

Skirtz

Paula misses her "Art"

So in the Music section of Yahoo! news...three stories were posted within the last two hours...each one detailing what Paula, Randy, and Simon have been up to.

First there was, Randy Jackson on the Road to Stardom

Then came, Simon Cowell Center Stage With 'Idol'

And last, but certainly NOT least came, Abdul Looks to Restart Singing Career

Thanks to those very insightful and informative stories, I now know that Paula really misses her "art," Simon didn't recognize the talents of Robbie Williams OR Emma Bunton, and what Randy really wants to do is act.


In non-American Idol news, I'm going to see Scissor Sisters tonight at the Wiltern and I don't think I could BE more excited if I tried.

OMG...American Idol isn't a talent show!

Friday, January 28, 2005

American Idol's Fantasia MEETS The It Factor's LisaRaye

Tivo Alert!!!!!!!

FANTASIA TO GUEST STAR ON UPN'S "ALL OF US"



Becoming a mother at age 17 gave Fantasia Barrino the strength to audition for "American Idol." She made history when she became the first artist in history to debut at #1 with the single, "I Believe." Fantasia guest stars as herself in "All of Us" on Tuesday, March 1 at 8PM ET/PT.

In that very same "All of Us" episode, Toccara Jones, from ANTM: CYCLE 3, will guest star as 'Marsha.'

AND on the very same night, Yaya Johnson, also from ANTM: CYCLE 3, will make an appearance on "Eve."

No word on whether Yaya will be playing some variation of a model/dancer/Ivy League grad.

G-d bless sweeps.


Where's Whack-A-Ryan?

Tired Idol

I have to agree with Trent over at Pink is the New Blog: "The Simon v. Paula thing is so incredibly tired."

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Paula, Paula, Paula

Randy Jackson appeared on "The View" this past Monday, where he revealed that he is working on Paula's comeback album.

Why has it taken Miss Paula four seasons of the Idol to get around to this?



If there's hope for Paula, does it mean that there's hope for the Guarini too?

Good News for people who love bad country music...

Thanks to the always-in-the-know Daily Zak...I have just received word that Josh "I'm in the Military" Gracin is going to be performing at the Friday night pre-Super Bowl concert in Jacksonville.

In even more exciting news, Fantasia's single, "Truth Is," is blowin' up the Billboard charts.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Kenny Loggins' F***ing Pooh Corner

the top five things judge jru loved about the Las Vegas audition episode of the Idol 4
1) It contains the shortest Charo cameo ever.
2) "I may be white, but it's just a birthmark." --Mikalah
3) "[If this all works out] I'll finally be able to buy my mom those implants she wants."--Mikalah
4) Jennifer Todd (the homemaker from Ontario, California) may be the new Frenchie.
5) It wasn't "Point Pleasant."

the bottom two things judge jru hated about the Las Vegas audition episode of the Idol 4
1) Kenny Loggins' intro package didn't mention the years he spent in Pooh Corner
2) Making fun of the crazies still makes me feel uncomfortable on my insides


Did I mention I'm excited about seeing Mikalah again?

Mustache Idol 2: Electric Boogaloo

Hey JPL...



THIS is what your mustache should look like when it grows up.


Mustache Idol

Jon Peter Lewis : child molester or mormon-popstar-in-the-making?

You decide...



I just love it when man-boys think they can grow facial hair. Don't you?

Monday, January 24, 2005

Barbie Idol



I don't know about you...but I'm voting for Tori.

Aiken State

Thanks to the best blogger I know (The Daily Zak), I just found out that Mr. Clay Aiken will be guesting on my second-favorite-sitcom-on-TV next month.

Directly from EW.com:

Small-Screen 'Idol'

Apparently, Will & Grace isn't the only NBC sitcom relying on singing sensations to boost its ratings. American Idol's Season 2 runner-up Clay Aiken will play a cafeteria worker named Kenny in the Feb. 15 episode of Scrubs, which is titled ''My Life in Four Cameras,'' and will reportedly ridicule such standard sitcom conventions as the laugh track, an NBC spokesperson confirmed.

While Scrubs is typically filmed on a closed set, Aiken's episode will be taped in part before a live audience. No word on whether the carrot-topped crooner will break into song during his Scrubs stint.

Kelly vs. The Eagles vs. the Patriots

Thanks to the fact that I finally signed up for the "official American Idol Newsletter," I now know that American Idol Kelly Clarkson will be performing with rock legend John Fogerty at the "NFL Tailgate Party" during the Super Bowl on Sunday, February 6th on FOX.



Insert tired/terrible wardrobe malfunction joke here.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Carrie Underwood: the new Kelly...or the new Justin Guarini?


Carrie "Country Girl" Underwood already has an online fansite.



It's a shame that we won't really get a chance to see her again...until the Hollywood round starts...in another two weeks.

In other news...the search for the next William Hung continues.

UPDATE: Carrie Underwood has been performing on the Country Western circuit for the past five years at least. AND she had a band...kinda like that Constantine character.


Friday, January 21, 2005

it continues...

judge jru's one minute review of episode two of the Idol 4:

Ryan Seacrest drops Phyllis Diller's name for the old folks, Joseph 'Cruise Ship Singer' Schoen is the recipient of the world's worst mystic tan, and Katrina Rece eats people.

One more thing...Carrie "Country Girl" Underwood might be this year's Kelly Clarkson.

UPDATE: The guy (Constantine) that left his band is an "actor."

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Paula bites!



Simon's fingers are surprisingly short and stubby.

Everybody loves the Idol

Much to the surprise of everyone at the Fox Network, the best damn talent show on television has killed in the ratings in the first two 'outings' of their fourth season:

"Tuesday's season premiere of American Idol, largely featuring the off-key, bizarre and painful warblings heard at a cattle-call audition in Washington, D.C., was sampled by 54 million viewers, Fox said Wednesday."

"The second outing of the fourth incarnation of "Idol" averaged 26.4 million viewers and an 11.1 rating/27 share in the coveted adults 18-49 demographic, according to preliminary estimates from Nielsen Media Research."

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

it begins...

Here it is...

judge jru’s running commentary of the premiere episode of season four of the Idol

8:00pm—Ryan Seacrest’s voice makes my boy parts crawl up inside me like a turtle.

8:01pm—Best Cold Open ever. Opening the show with a big sassy black woman belting out the Star Spangled Banner is a genius was to start to the night. Simon’s look of shock and awe is genius.

8:02pm—The upgraded opening credit sequence makes me want to rent “Tron.” And can we just talk about the elevator?

8:03pm—Wait…Fantasia’s album has gone platinum?

8:04pm—Justin Guarini is mysteriously missing from the album cover montage…

8:05pm—Sugar Ray is one of the “celebrity judges”? Isn’t he too busy with his co-anchoring gig on “Extra”?

8:06pm—Paula Abdul montages never get old.

8:07pm—Did I mention just how much I hate Ryan Seacrest?

8:08pm—Why is there no mention of Sugar Ray’s guest appearance in that AMAZING Shania Twain video?

8:12pm—I went to college with the chick from Point Pleasant…I always knew she was EVIL.

8:14pm—I’m not sure I like the young Mr. Clean as much as the judges do.

8:15pm—Why is Sugar Ray running the proceedings?

8:16pm—Those ta-tas are almost as big as Frenchie’s!

8:19pm—People actually LIKE Josh Groban???

8:25pm—Anwar Robinson looks like that no tittie drag queen from season one of the Idol.

8:41pm—The Idol is the place to pick up the boys…if you’re in the market for a crazy gay.

8:47pm—If Regina makes it to the semi-finals…the judges won’t be able to get rid of her. Her story is sadder than the Verraros.

8:54pm—I enjoy Marlea. She has what Paula might call a “quiet confidence.”

8:55pm—Well…Paula still needs an English tutor.

8:58pm—I just found my new boyfriend. Boy in the yellow striped shirt that is hugging him best be careful. Horizontal stripes do nothing for the figure.

8:59pm—Fashion 101: Colored Contacts make one look crazy.

9:11pm—Hi…I’m getting bored.

9:17pm—Yet another crazy gay…

9:24pm—Sugar Ray is a giant manwhore.

9:33pm—I’m totally over this whole Constantine-leaving-the-band storyline.

9:39pm—Is anyone else obsessed with HOUSE as much as I am?

9:41pm—I’m tired of all these bad auditions…why can’t HOUSE be on?

9:45pm—Franchon…is kind of the best name ever.

9:47pm—John Zisa from Hackensack…only made it to the next round because he’s a cute boy who can barely sing.

9:51pm—I’m over these Point Pleasant teasers…where’s HOUSE when you need him? With his trusty dry erase board and oh-so-sensitive-and-beautiful residents, I bet he could diagnose that devil girl within the hour.

9:52pm—Camel Toe Alert!

9:52.5pm—Thank G-d I don’t like Vagina!

9:53pm—Mary Roach-Guilbeaux…you shouldn’t wear white pants BEFORE or AFTER Labor Day.

9:55pm—I want to be friends with all of Mary Roach-Guilbeaux’s many voices.

9:58pm—I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…I heart Kelly Clarkson.

10:00pm—OMG...did i just waste TWO MORE HOURS of my life on this crap?


Monday, January 17, 2005

She's Baaaaaaaaaack!

Only 1 day, 9 hours, and 31 minutes until Paula's return to our nation's consciousness.




Hi...we didn't miss her.

UPDATE: Best description of Paula's glandy fatbags...ever. God bless the Fugly ladies.

UPDATE ON THE UPDATE: The Fugly ladies are having archiving issues...so the above link ain't workin' right now.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

"I heart puppies"



Hi...you may recognize me as the judge on "American Idol" that makes sixteen year olds cry, but in REAL life I LOVE all of G-d's furry creatures..

Celebrity Judges Attack!



Go back to Pooh Corner, Mr. Loggins!

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Using Clay's last name in place of a real word is fun AND inventive!

How did I miss last week's episode of Lifetime's "Head 2 Toe," where they made over not one, but TWO Claymates?

Check out this thrilling episode description:

"Trish & Maria are best friends with a lot in common--they work together and are also dating two best friends who happen to be stationed together in Iraq. But that's not the only love these two friends share. Huge Clay Aiken fans, they dream of someday meeting their favorite American Idol! Aiken' for a real transformation just like Clay, we'll not only turn these two idol worshippers into sexy rock and roll divas, but they'll make heads turn when they walk into a surprise meeting with Clay Aiken himself."

Thank G-d that on Saturday, February 19 at 11:30am they will be reairing the episode.

How is Clay Aiken NOT on my Tivo wishlist? What is wrong with me?

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Hung Syndrome

BREAKING NEWS REPORT THAT NO ONE CARES ABOUT:

William Hung wants to be an actor, but he insists on only playing "good guys."

In other news...the 100,000 people in America that bought Mr. Hung's album will never be approved to be on my Friendster list. (Speaking of which...Zak...it's been six months...why won't you approve me yet? I feel rejected AND dejected.)

Friday, January 07, 2005

The Quotable Clay Aiken

So in my last day of unemployment, I was reading through all of my favorite blogs and came across an entry so brilliant that I wish I thought of first.

This entry details all of the amazingly insightful quotes from the best book American Idol has ever produced, "Learning to Sing: Hearing the Music in Your Life," by Clay Aiken.

My favorite bit appears on page 229:

"Determing what faith a child will have is a decision that should be made at home, not at the YMCA camp."

Someone get this boy on the Oprah ASAP!

First Frenchie News of the New Year

I had a moment of panic today, when I realized I didn't know what was going on in the life of the one and only Frenchie Davis.



Thanks to the magic of the Internet, it took me all of two seconds to discover that Miss Davis has made a grand return to the ensemble of Broadway's "RENT," which is NOW starring Drew Lachey (aka: Nick's brother).

Hi...I wish I lived closer to New York.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Worst. Mixtape. Ever.

So Stereogum (my second favorite blog ever...the Daily Zak is my number one favorite, of course) has a link to this genius article, which tells the tale of two music freaks that torture each other with mixtapes from hell.

Since it is TWO in the morning and I can't sleep, I responded with my own impromtu list of torture songs...unsurprisingly, Ryan Starr topped my list.

WORST MIXTAPE EVER
1) "My Religion" - Ryan Starr
2) "Over the Rainbow" - Anita Bryant
3) "Changes" - Kelly and Ozzy Osbourne
4) "I Need An Angel" - Ruben Studdard
5) "Angels" - Jessica Simpson
6) "I'm Not Sleeping" - Tiffany featuring Krayzie Bone
7) "Liquid Dreams" - O-Town
8) "Crusin'" - Gwyneth Paltrow & Huey Lewis
9) "How Do I Feel (the Burrito Song)" - Hoku
10) "Solo" - Eamon [Eamon sings the ITALIAN version of his song, "F*** It"]

Why am I not asleep yet?

Monday, January 03, 2005

Idol changes

So the good people over at Fox have announced a few changes to the Idol in order to "freshen things up."

First off, the initial audition process will air over the course of SIX hours. Followed by FOUR hours of the "intermediate Hollywood round."

After those thrilling TEN hours, there will be 24 semi-finalists (perfectly divided into 12 women and 12 "men").

The semi-final rounds start on February 21st. The women and men will be split into groups, one performing Monday, followed by the other on Tuesday. Viewers will vote to eliminate the bottom two from each group on Wednesday. This explosive reimagining of the semi-final rounds will continue for two more weeks. When the smoke has cleared, six male and six female singers will continue on to the final 12.

It is at this point that the Idol will go back to airing only TWO times a week.

I'm bored (and slightly discombobulated) already.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

WARNING: this entry has almost nothing to do with American Idol

I know...I know...I really shouldn't post anything on this thing that doesn't have to do with the Idol, but I just can't help myself.




KATE BUSH is releasing a new album in 2005.

I haven't been this excited since the night I stalked Stripper McKibbin.

judge jru's Top Ten of 2004

It's the end of the year again...so that can only mean one thing for those that love pop culture as much as I do.

Top Ten Lists.

Here are mine:

THE BEST AMERICAN IDOL RELATED SONGS OF 2004
10) "Invisible" - Clay Aiken
9) "Breakaway" - Kelly Clarkson
8) "Behind These Hazel Eyes" - Kelly Clarkson
7) "Selfish" - Fantasia
6) "Star" - Tamyra Gray
5) "Emotional" - Diana DeGarmo
4) "8th World Wonder" - Kimberley Locke
3) "Since U Been Gone" - Kelly Clarkson
2) "Walk Away" - Kelly Clarkson
1) "Baby Mama" - Fantasia

THE WORST...
4) "I Need an Angel" - Ruben Studdard
3) "I Want to Live" - Josh Gracin
2) "My Christmas" EP - George Huff
1) "My Religion" - Ryan Starr

------------------------------------------

BEST NON-AMERICAN IDOL RELATED SONGS OF 2004*
10) "Love Machine" - Girls Aloud
9) "Don't Go (Boys & Girls)" - Fefe Dobson
8) "Better Luck Next Time" - Scissor Sisters
7) "What Are You Waiting For?" - Gwen Stefani
6) "Slow Hands" - Interpol
5) "Take Me Out" - Franz Ferdinand
4) "How to be Dead" - Snow Patrol
3) "Somebody Told Me" - The Killers
2) "Float On" - Modest Mouse
1) "The Difference Between Love and Hell" - Sahara Hotnights

*Because ten just isn't enough for this category, honorable mentions must go to:
"Portions for Foxes (Bad News)" by Rilo Kiley
"Hounds of Love" by The Futureheads
"Me and Mia" by Ted Leo & the Pharmacists
"Toxic" by Britney Spears (as well as the rock version by Local H)


------------------------------------------

BEST NON-AMERICAN IDOL RELATED TELEVISION SHOWS OF 2004
10) "Desperate Housewives"
9) "House"
8) "The Amazing Race 5"
7) "Alias"
6) "Scrubs"
5) "South Park"
4) "Lost"
3) "America's Next Top Model"
2) "Project Runway"
1) "Arrested Development"

------------------------------------------

BEST NON-AMERICAN IDOL RELATED MOVIES OF 2004**
10) "Kinsey"
9) "Hotel Rwanda"
8) "Bad Education"
7) "Before Sunset"
6) "Kill Bill - Volume 2"
5) "Sideways"
4) "The Aviator"
3) "Million Dollar Baby"
2) "Dogville"
1) "The Incredibles"

**I still need to see "Finding Neverland" and "Christmas with the Kranks" before this list can be finalized.