Season 6 was going to be my last year of blogging the Idol.
I had every intention of faithfully blogging every episode and every story that happened in between, until that fateful day in May....when someone gets to sing some ridiculously cheesy song about moments/flying/believing/heaven/pride with an even more ridiculous gospel choir.
But here's the thing...
I got a "big boy" job and I got burnt out on the season 6 of the Idol much sooner than I thought I would.
Yes, I've quit the Idol once before (during season 3), but then I discovered the wonderful world of Blogger and so I came back.
But now, I have to be done. Whenever I sit down to watch the Idol, it doesn't feel like fun. It feels like a chore. I've lost my Idol-Joy.
I'm exhausted. And I got that job.
So...it is with great sadness (and greater relief) that I am announcing my Idol blog retirement.
Thanks to everyone who ever read my blog or left me a comment (even the ones that weren't so nice). They always made me happy.
1) Jordin Sparks ('Heartbreaker,' by Pat Benetar -- Loves Football.) - I originally thought Jordin was a poor man's Lisa Tucker. Then, I thought Lisa Tucker was a poor man's Jordin Sparks.
I think Jordin Sparks is simply too young. Too Fresh. And too new.
2) Sabrina Sloan ('Don't Let Go,' by En Vogue -- Wanted to be the next Katie Couric/Ryan Seacrest.) - Sabrina's hair is very curly.
And her vocals? Not so curly.
In actuality, she was pretty darn flat.
3) Antonella Barba ('Put Your Records On,' by Corinne Bailey Rae -- Plays the violin.) - Girl! Turn your record off!
I'll also tell you my favorite song. It's any song that you're not singing.
4) Haley Scarnato ('If My Heart Had Wings,' by Faith Hill -- Used to be a gymnast until she broke herself.) - I didn't even bother paying attention during Haley's performance, because she's a total goner.
5) Stephanie Edwards ('Sweet Things,' by Rufus & Chaka Khan -- Used to be shy.) - I enjoy the Stephanie Edwards, but unfortunately I did not enjoy her performance. She was pitchy with a capital P.
6) LaKisha Jones ('I Have Nothing,' by Whitney Houston -- Terrified of animals. All of them.) - Best Idol-related "I Have Nothing" performance ever.
And that's saying something, because there's a lot of them.
7) Gina Glocksen ('Call Me When You're Sober,' by Evanescence -- Has a lot of good luck charms.) - Eh.
2) Sanjaya Malakar ('Waiting On the World to Change,' by John Mayer -- Knows how to hula.) - Painful. And wimpy.
3) Sundance Head ('Jeremy,' by Pearl Jam -- Wears a "fat suit.") - Do I have to watch the rest of this show?
I don't know if I can take another Sundance performance. Or another Sanjaya performance. Or another Phil Stacey performance. Or pretty much anyone's performance. Except for Melinda and LaKisha. They are the diamonds in the roughness that is the Idol 6.
4) Chris Richardson ('Tonight I Want to Cry,' by Keith Urban -- Lost a lot of weight before the Idol.) - At least he's pretty.
5) Jared Cotter ('If You Really Love Me,' by Stevie Wonder -- Played Division II college basketball.) - Jared may be sexy, but he's no Ryan Starr...
...now that was a Stevie Wonder Idol performance of epically bad proportions.
6) Brandon Rogers ('I Just Want to Celebrate,' by Rare Earth -- Is a classical piano player.) - At least he wasn't boring.
But here's the thing, Brandon's performances are so forgettable that even Simon can't keep his name straight (he called Brandon -- "Travis").
7) Phil Stacey ('I Need You,' by Leann Rimes -- Hasn't always been bald.) - Ugh.
8) Chris Sligh ('Wanna Be Loved,' by DC Talk -- Used to have short hair.) - Chris sings soulless Christian Rock. Again.
I'm done with him.
judge jru votes
No one. Seriously.
judge jru predicts
Sanjaya? Sundance? Phil Stacey? Anyone except Chris Sligh, Chris Richardson, and Blake Lewis.
Idol 5 contestant/"Chicken Little" look-a-like Kevin Covais is about to follow in J-Hud's footsteps, by taking a supporting role in a movie that has Oscar written all over it.
"College" centers on three high school seniors who have the wildest weekend of their lives when they visit a nearby college campus as prospective freshmen. Deb Hagan (of "Pee Shy" fame) is slated to direct.
1) Gina Glocksen ('Alone,' by Heart -- Dedicated song to her Boyfriend) - Gina wants to be good.
So very good.
Except that she's so very not.
2) Alaina Alexander ('Not Ready to Make Nice,' by the Dixie Chicks -- Dedicated song to her Mom) - Who dedicates a song to their mom, when the lyrics are about not being ready to make nice?
It don't make no sense, but I guess it does to Alaina.
And that's a shame for her mother...because I'm sure Mrs. Alexander is VERY nice.
3) LaKisha Jones ('Midnight Train to Georgie,' by Gladys Knight & the Pips -- Dedicated song to her Grandmother) - I said it last week. And this week's performances only confirm it.
This show is done.
If LaKisha or Melinda don't win the show, it will be a travesty of epic proportions. No one else can match them.
No one comes close.
The Idol 6 is officially a two diva race.
4) Melinda Doolittle ('My Funny Valentine,' by Mitzi Green -- Dedicated song to her two "Gayles") - I am speechless. Fantastic. Amazing. Stunning. Perfect.
And also, see above.
5) Antonella Barba ('Because You Love Me,' by Celine Dion -- Dedicated song to her Brother) - Antonella looked very pretty tonight. I really enjoyed her fashion forward green print ensemble.
Unfortunately, her performance wasn't nearly as pretty.
6) Jordin Sparks ('Reflection,' by Christina Aguilera -- Dedicated song to her Brother) - Strangely flat. Yet adorable.
7) Stephanie Edwards ('Dangerously In Love,' by Beyonce -- Dedicated song to her Mom and Dad) - Acceptable, but the song blew chunks.
If Stephanie wanted to perform a song by Miss Knowles, why couldn't she have performed "Me Myself and I"?
Now THAT is a Beyonce song I can get behind.
8) Leslie Hope ('Feeling Good,' by Nina Simone -- Dedicated song to her Grandpa) - A.J. sang it better. For sure.
Leslie sounded like a singer in a bad wedding band. And Leslie wouldn't even be the main singer in that band. She sounded like the backup singer for a wedding band that only gets to sing lead...when the lead singer has to take a bathroom break.
9) Haley Scarnato ('Queen of the Night,' by Whitney Houston -- Dedicated song to her Fiancé, Bobby) - Super-Mega-Soulless.
10) Sabrina Sloan ('All the Man That I Need,' by Whitney Houston -- Dedicated song to her Grandmother) - Sabrina turned in the third (or fourth) best performance of the night, but that's not saying much.
1) Phil Stacey ('I Ain't Missing You,' by John Waite -- Dedicated song to his Naval Unit) - Imagine if Sting shaved his head. And wasn't hot. And didn't know how to play the lute.
Well, that's Phil Stacey.
2) Jared Cotter ('Let's Get It On,' by Marvin Gaye -- Dedicated song to his Mom and Dad) - Jared couldn't be sexier if he was naked.
OK...maybe that would be a little more sexy. But only a little.
And his vocals were relatively good too.
Jared can ride my "love boat" anytime.
3) A.J. Tabaldo ('Feeling Good,' by Nina Simone -- Dedicated song to his Mom and Dad) - Good. Surprisingly good.
Little A.J. just might be the best male contestant of the Idol 6. Granted that's not saying much, but at least it's somethin'.
4) Sanjaya Malakar ('Steppin' Out With My Baby,' by Irving Berlin/Fred Astaire -- Dedicated song to his Grandfather) - The whole Michael Jackson ponytail look wasn't working for me. And it wasn't working for Sanjaya.
Also, his performance was timid. And kinda terrible.
Poor boy. At least he's got his sister to console him. I hear she is verynice.
5) Chris Sligh ('Trouble,' by Ray Lamontagne -- Dedicated song to his wife) - Love the hair.
Not the performance.
6) Nick Pedro ('Fever,' by Peggy Lee -- Dedicated song to his Girlfriend) - Even if I didn't already have a fever, Nick couldn't give me one. In a Sauna. With a pile of hot rocks.
This dude is the musical equivalent to Xanax.
7) Blake Lewis ('Virtual Insanity,' by Jamiroquai -- Dedicated song to his Parents) - Acceptable.
BUT that sideways douche-y hat thing has got to go.
8) Brandon Rogers ('Time after Time,' by Cyndi Lauper -- Dedicated song to his Grandmother) - In week two, the world's best grandson continues to ride the train to Snoozeville.
How did Brandon suddenly become the boring pretty boy?
What the heck happened?
9) Chris Richardson ('Geek in the Pink,' by Jason Mraz -- Dedicated to song to his "Big Mama") - Here's the thing with singing a Jason Mraz song on the Idol...
It sounds like you are singing a Jason Mraz song on the Idol.
I know Jason Mraz, Chris.
And you sir, are no Jason Mraz.
10) Jason "Sundance" Head ('Mustang Sally,' by Wilson Pickett Mack Rice -- Dedicated to his Son) - I wish I could tell you what I thought of Sundance's performance, but truth is...I can't. Whenever Sundance appears on camera, all I can focus on is that gathering of extra long pubic hair on his chin. It's just...so...awful.
It makes me want to shave.
judge jru votes
judge jru predicts
Sanjaya Malakar, Nick Pedro, and/or Brandon Rogers. It was nice knowing ya!
...those MEGA SUPER scandalous photos of Antonella Barba that surfaced at the end of last week might not be the REAL thing.
UPDATE: We have confirmation that Antonella is not the girl in the horrible upsetting BJ photos. Repeat. It's NOT Antonella! Except for all of the other non-BJ related photos, including the rose petal one. That was her. It was for a "personal" calender she made for her boyfriend. Ain't that cute?
Surprisingly, Katharine McPhee's debut single, "Over It," has grown on me the past few weeks. I still wish Katharine put a little more attitude into her vocals (if the Pussycat Dolls can do it, McPhee...so can you), but overall the song isn't the worst bit of a white chick pop I've ever heard.
Anyhow, here is Katharine's new video for her "hit" single...
Like the song, it's fine...but ultimately uninspired.
1) Stephanie Edwards ('How Come You Don't Call Me,' by Alicia Keys Prince) - OK...I'll admit it...after last night's boy-fueled disastrophe, I was worried that the ladies of the Idol 6 wouldn't deliver.
I shouldn't have worried. Stephanie should be a postal woman, because she delivered. And then some.
2) Amy Krebs ('I Can't Make You Love Me,' by Bonnie Raitt) - If the Idol was a college class that you could take pass/fail, Amy would pass. But she would JUST pass. She definitely wouldn't get honors. Not even close.
3) Leslie Hunt ('Natural Woman,' by Aretha Franklin) - Leslie seems like a lovely girl. And I think if I met her in person, I would enjoy her.
But on the TV?
Leslie was just "eh."
4) Sabrina Sloan ('I Never Loved a Man the Way That I Love You,' by Aretha Franklin) - Surprisingly good. She won't win the Idol, but she is totally top 12 material. Top 6 even.
5) Antonella Barba ('I Don't Want To Miss A Thing,' by Aerosmith) - After this AND this, Antonella really had to pull out a fantastic performance out of her gorgeous ass to show America that she was more than just a pretty face.
Unfortunately for Antonella (and Antonella's cute family), Miss Barba will probably be best remembered as that Idol semifinalist with those skeevy pictures. And that will be all.
6) Jordin Sparks ('Give Me One Reason,' by Tracy Chapman) - I've said it before. And I'll say it again. Jordin Sparks is like a curvier Lisa Tucker.
It also turns out that Jordin is a more talented version of Lisa Tucker.
And that makes me a happier version of judge jru.
7) Nicole Tranquillo ('Stay,' by Rufus and Chaka Kahn) - Shout-y. Very Shout-y.
8) Haley Scarnato ('It's All Coming Back to Me Now,' by Celine Dion) - This is just a guess, but I think Haley was that pretty girl from high school who had a nice voice...and would trot it out every once in a while for all the school to see/hear.
In terms of the Idol? Pretty girls with moderately pretty voices only get so far. And then, they go bye-bye (i.e.: the Idol 4 semi-finalists known as Amanda Avila and Sarah Mather).
Hey Haley? Maybe you should look into the wonderful world of pageants...I bet you'd do VERY well there.
9) Melinda "Timid Titmouse" Doolittle ('Since You've Been Gone,' by Aretha Franklin) - I love this woman. LOVE HER. Love everything about her. Thinking of being her for Halloween.
She is seriously genius. The fact that such a big voice comes out from such a little timid package makes me happy. Very VERY happy.
I just can't stop watching this performance. I think I watched it five times in a row. Maybe more.
I haven't done that since the days of the Clarkson.
Seriously dude...I'm in LOVE.
10) Alaina Alexander ('Brass in Pocket,' by The Pretenders) - And the second biggest disastrophe of the night award goes to...Alaina Alexander!!!
(FYI, the biggest disastrophe of the night is still Antonella Barba.)
11) Gina Glocksen ('All By Myself,' by Eric Carmen) - Off-puttingly aggressive.
12) LaKisha Jones ('And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going,' by Jennifer Holliday/Hudson) - This LaKisha chick has balls. Four days before the Academy Awards...the night that J-Hud is destined to win an Oscar for performing the sh*t out of this very song...LaKisha shows up on the Idol and says, "Jennifer Hud-a-who?"
Brilliant. Ballsy. Blessed.
judge jru votes
Stephanie. Melinda. LaKisha. Jordin. Sabrina. Melinda. LaKisha. And then, Melinda...Melinda...Melinda...LaKisha...Melinda...Melinda....LaKisha.
In case anyone can't tell, the Idol 6 has just become a two woman competition...Melinda versus LaKisha. If anyone else steals a place in the final two, I will track them down and I will cut them.
1) Rudy Cardenas ('Free Ride,' by the Edgar Winter Group) - Rudy's performance reminded me of that recurring nightmare I've been having lately, where I go to a friend's wedding and am forced to be a backup singer to the world's worst wedding band. Now I know who to picture as the band's lead singer. And his name is Rudy Cardenas.
2) Brandon Rogers ('Rock With You,' by Michael Jackson) - Have you ever gone on a date with someone who you've thought was totally cute and had potential of being boyfriend material, but then you kiss them at the end of the night...and you feel nothing?
Yeah, that's how I felt about Brandon's performance.
He's pretty...but there's no love connection here.
3) Jason 'Sundance' Head ('Nights in White Satin,' by the Moody Blues) - Ugh.
4) Paul 'Barefoot' Kim ('Careless Whisper,' by George Michael) - Brutal.
Seriously dude, where are the talented people?
5) Chris Richardson ('I Don't Want To Be,' by Gavin DeGraw) - Slightly awkward. Slightly adorable. And better than the last two.
The whole dress just like Justin Timberlake in a suit thing is a bit tired, but I'll forgive Chris. Because he is pretty. Very very pretty.
6) Nick Pedro ('Now and Forever,' by Richard Marx) - I hate this song. I really f*cking hate this song.
I couldn't even tell you what I thought of Nick Pedro's performance, because I was so overwhelmed with hate for this musical equivalent of Velveeta Cheese.
7) Blake Lewis ('Somewhere Only We Know,' by Keane) - Now this is a song (and a performance) I can get behind.
Who knew that the beatboxing menace would turn in the first moderately decent performance of the night?
I certainly didn't.
8) Sanjaya Malakar ('Knocks Me Off My Feet,' by Stevie Wonder) - Quiet.
9) Chris Sligh ('Typical,' by Mute Math) - I respect my Christian brethren as much as the next agnostic homo. But here's the thing...if you are performing "live" in front of America for the first time on the Idol, don't pick a Christian Rock song. It doesn't do you any favors.
But that whole making fun of Simon for subjecting the world to Il Divo and the Teletubbies? That shit was priceless.
10) Jared Cotter ('Back at One,' by Brian McKnight) - Forget Brandon Rogers.
Jared Cotter is my new boyfriend.
He seems VERY nice. And moderately talented.
He's also managed to turn in a relatively interesting performance by singing one of the most boring songs ever written. You have to respect him for that bit. Right?
11) A.J. Tabaldo ('Never Too Much,' by Luther Vandross) - Acceptable.
He's never going to win, but he did better than most of the other boys tonight.
Then again, that's not saying much.
12) Phil Stacey ('I Could Not Ask For More,' by Edwin McCain) - I find Phil Stacey strangely off-putting. And I don't know why. Maybe it's because he looks like Mister Clean? Or Lex Luthor? Or Britney Spears?
Frankly, it doesn't matter who Phil Stacey reminds me of...I'm just kinda done with him.
judge jru votes
Even if I could have voted for the boys, I don't think I would have. There wasn't a single performance that made me want to pick up the phone. And that scares me a little bit.
Here's to hoping that the ladies bring a better game tomorrow night...
judge jru predicts
Paul Kim, Rudy Cardenas, and/or Jason 'Sundance' Head are goners. Probably.
So that means it even more tired-er when Blake does it.
Yes. I know tired-er is not a word, but it's late and I'm tired. You might even say that I'm more tired-er-er than Blake Lewis' beat boxing routine.
And so, despite the beat boxing (or maybe because of it) Blake makes it to the top 24...
9:24 pm - ...but my favorite Brit boy bander, Tom Lowe, doesn't make it.
9:25 pm - Some boy named Rudy also makes it.
Like other Idol top 24 members of years past (Patrick Hall, anyone?), Rudy is fine...but nothing special.
9:28 pm - Barefoot Boy Paul Kim is enjoyable to me, because he wants to outshine William Hung. And yet, I'm a little done with his whole I will ONLY perform barefoot routine already. It feels like a gimmick. The Clarkson didn't have a gimmick Paul. Neither did Fantasia.
So get with the program dude. Put your shoes back on and just SING.